I Run Away

“Wherever you go, there you are! You can’t run away from yourself, or the underlying situation, no matter where you go. You won’t find happiness anywhere, unless it’s already there in your heart, and therefore you have carried it with you.” – Andrew James Pritchard I am the kind of person who likes to run away from my problems. This was a normal solution to all of life’s crises and it left a mountain of problems to face all at once. RUN AWAY FROM FEELINGS Physical pain is easy and it’s not necessarily something that I’ll run away from. But, when it comes to emotional pain, I just want to flee because it’s too much. For so long, I turned off my feelings and allowed myself to become emotionally numb. The pain of loss, the pain of failure, the pain of heartbreak all seemed to hit me at once and […]

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Self-Love – Starting A Journey

“Self-love is not selfish; you cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself.” – Unknown A friend of mine used to tell me not to complain unless I was going to do something to change my situation. SELF-LOVE AND BODY IMAGE I’ve struggled with body image for most of my life. In fact, I suffered from eating disorders as a teenager. I remember the words a boy said to me when I was thirteen years old; he didn’t like my body. This same boy was a boy who often flirted with me. He was a year older than me. But being distraught by his words, I refused to eat. I wanted to be skinny because apparently that’s what boys liked. A couple weeks ago, I wrote about gaining weight during lockdown. I wasn’t happy about my body, but it’s something that I can definitely change so I […]

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My Weakness Is You

“If your weakness is love then you are extremely strong.” – Efrat Cybulkiewicz I couldn’t let him go so I begged in desperation. There is no other whom I need more than him. Our dynamic will change because I need him and cannot let go. Perhaps, my weakness is love or perhaps, it’s not being able to let go. BEING ALONE Is being alone a strength or a weakness? Maybe, it’s a bit of both. For so long, I would pride myself on the ability of being alone. I didn’t need anyone because I could protect myself. Why would I need anyone else when I could stand on my own two feet? I was a prideful person which is a weakness in and of itself. But this came from a place of hurt and place of denial. At the time, it seemed like a strength and maybe it was. For […]

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Lockdown – Life, Love, and Loneliness

“Take this Lockdown phase as a Silver Lining to concentrate on your self happiness.” – Somya Kedia As much as I wish this lockdown helped with my self happiness, it hasn’t. LOSING BATTLE IN LOCKDOWN I’ve always had to work extra hard in terms of eating and training. If I go two weeks without a workout, it’s noticeable. Many people say that you don’t lost your gains or gain that much weight in that short of time. But it seems as though I can just look at a piece of chocolate and gain ten pounds. With training facilities being closed, I haven’t really trained since February. And with the boredom of being in lockdown, I’ve been munching on junk even more. When I met lover in January, I could get away with wearing a sports bra out of the house without a shirt over it. Now, the belly has grown […]

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