When I was younger, I met a boy. He was hapa (half white; half Japanese). I never thought I’d see him again, but three years later, we spent more time with each other and became friends.
We ended up losing touch, but a couple years later, I saw him again. He was hanging out with one of my friends from university. It was odd because he went to a different school many hours away. This became a pattern. I’d see him off and on for a few years, but that’s all it was.
Then he moved close to me and I began to see him on a weekly basis. He wasn’t a teenager anymore. Handsome. All the girls seemed to want him. But I knew him since childhood so I was able to remain calm around him. I didn’t act starstruck which is why he was so comfortable around me.
But I secretly fell for him. I loved him for years. We were both single, but he never made a move past a hug. In secret, I gloated about the hugs because I knew he didn’t hug any other girl. I thought maybe one day he’d ask me to be his girlfriend.
But they say Asian men are passive and he never made a move.
I would dream about marrying him and starting a family with him. Maybe it was obvious because some would ask me if I considered dating him. Of course I had considered it. He was one of my closest friends, but I guess I was friend zoned back when we were just kids. It is an unrequited love as I do still love him, but I’ve just moved on because I know that ship has sailed.
He now has a girlfriend who he says he fell in love with after a couple of weeks of talking on the phone. They didn’t even meet before he said she was his true love. To me he will always be the one who got away. The one who could have been.
Sometimes, I wonder if our culture is a curse. Asian girl patiently waits for Asian man and he never comes. But then we get harassed when we like non-Asian men. I’m old fashioned and like when the man pursues me.
Maybe it’s due to the lack of being taught how to express love and affection. Trust me, Asian households are not role models in that department. But either way, I think our culture sometimes stunts us and for me, it just so happened to lead to a bit of unrequited love.
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