In many non Asian families, I often hear them talking freely about dating and sex. It seems as though they’re more open about the birds and the bees talk. However, in Asian American households, many of us are sheltered. We didn’t have “the talk.” So what about the egg roll and the plum sauce.
See No Sex
Many Asian countries have laws that prohibit or highly regulate the porn industry. There are some counties in the Middle East that even seek to execute those who produce pornography. However, the market for Asian pornography is pretty popular. Japanese porn is popular, but there are regulations in place that force the production companies to cover up the genitals of the porn stars.
The porn industry is huge in Japan, but I feel as though, Japanese Americans are rather sheltered in their media intake. We don’t really see nudity in Asian dramas like we would in western dramas. In western porn, they also do not have to censor the genitals.
When a sex scene comes on TV, in an Asian American household, it’s likely to be a bit uncomfortable or awkward. Why? Because sex is very taboo in Asian American culture.
Hear No Sex
I think this is pretty self explanatory. How many of you have had sex under your parents’ roof? I don’t think anyone wants their parents hearing them have sex, but I think this is almost a fear in Asian households. With the few Asians that I’ve been with, I was only able to have sex with the ones who did not still live with their parents.
The other thing I need to explain is that Asian children tend to live with their parents a bit longer. For many girls, we live with our parents until we get married or have to move for a career. I think it has to do with it being a more collectivistic culture so we tend to prioritize our families.
So I’ve never had sex at my own home. There’s a fear of being disowned if I was caught.
Speak No Sex
Honestly, we don’t receive sex education at home. Parents don’t speak to us about sex. I guess they just expect us not to do it.
For the longest time, I didn’t wear tampons or ginger myself because I didn’t know much about the female anatomy. I couldn’t figure out where that hole was and trying to find it with my fingers seemed disgusting. This is most likely due to the impression I had of genitals. My parents didn’t talk about it so it must be nasty.
Creating such a bad stigma around sex is a bad thing. It leads to more secrecy and sometimes can mean that we don’t get help. Believe it or not, many Asian American women don’t get Pap smears or have breast cancer screenings because of the lack of resources available to Asian American women. It’s not something our mothers spoke to us about so we are oftentimes in the dark about these things.