So I’m having a bit of trouble with Tie Me Up Tuesday so that post will come later. Instead, here’s a chapter from my dating/sex life called The Shit List – The Savage Sexcapade Chronicles.
Not all guys I’ve dated/slept with end up on the list, but the shitty ones do.
Chapter 1 – The Scared Virgin
I guess I’ve always had a thing for meeting strange men online. Even as a kid, I’d roam chat rooms and have “internet boyfriends.” If that’s even a thing.
When I was about 12 or 13, I had an AIM (if you don’t know what that is, you’re way too young). My SN was something very provocative though I didn’t know it at the time. I had taken something I read in a Sailor Moon comic book and added XXX to the end. Now that I look back, my SN pretty much sounded like a pornstar or an escort name.
One day out of the blue, a guy sent me an IM. His words to me were, “Hi! My friend hacked my account and added your SN. What’s your name?” To this day, I have no clue if that was true or not.
I had turned 13 and we were talking everyday. We exchanged phone numbers, but I still hadn’t met him. Then one night, he called me his babe. He said he could be my boyfriend and I naively said yes not knowing I was just some tail he wanted to chase.
The only suggestive thing he had ever said to me was, “I’m going to take a shower and I expect your butt to there too.” I was a kid, I didn’t drive. How would I get there and would I have been ready to give him my virginity? Later that night, he proceeded to say, “I was waiting for you in my shower, but you never showed up.” I guess he really meant that he wanted to fuck me.
We continued to talk and then I found out, he went to the church down the street from my house. One day, I went to the church, he saw me upstairs and tried to flirt. I was like deer in headlights and ran away and we never talked in person since that day.
He continued to string me along online. I gave him 7 years of my fucking life. Time after time, he’d go after another girl, only to come running back to me saying it didn’t work. I was stupid and naive for allowing him to take my high school years…pining over a stupid internet guy.
I should’ve known he never cared. He would only talk about himself and the girls he screwed. Each time, I thought maybe we’d have a shot, he’d go and fuck another girl. The first poem I ever wrote was about falling in love with the stupid schmuck. That was well over a decade ago.
I was an idiot for being that way. You can’t tie down a dog that never wanted to stay.
Image from Unsplash