Life

I Don’t Like Sleeping Alone

As a kid, I didn’t like sleeping alone, but as I grew up, I hated when I had to share a bed. I liked having the space to sprawl out. I sleep like a crazy person so I’m all over the place.

NEEDING CLOSENESS

I have a fear of abandonment. I don’t think it’s something I recognized before because I always push people away when they get too close. But lately, I’ve felt the need for closeness and security. I often fear dying alone.

Perhaps it’s this virus and the lockdowns that’s have drove me further into this frenzy. Or perhaps it’s because some have managed to break through my walls. But I need closeness. I don’t like feeling alone.

Being alone used to be a choice. I’d come home for alone time. I’d retreat away from people because too many people drain the life force out of me. I chose to be single for a rather long time with a fear of getting hurt another time. Now, being alone is more circumstantial rather than of my choosing.

When you get the choice to be alone or to be away from someone, it’s not as hard. But when it’s not of your choosing, the emotions run wild.

THE EASE OF ANXIETY

I’m afraid my mental health has taken a nose dive these last few months. I have been struggling with anxiety. I feel lonely and scared on most days and have had a lot of sleepless nights because there’s so much stress that keeps me up at night.

But I think the feeling of closeness eases the anxiety. I guess could compare it to someone going crazy and then calming down when they’re in a bear hold. Being physically close to someone I’m fond of and trust, just seems to put my mind at ease and provide me comfort.

NEEDING WARMTH

While it may still be hot where I am, I long for this sense of warmth that it absent when sleeping alone. It’s a feeling of security and the warmth is more so internal. In a way, I guess it brings about a sense of belonging.

I want to be able to sleep in his arms and see his face in the morning. Baby, I hope I get to wake up next to you one day.

Yours Truly,

sass c.

Image from Unsplash

sass c.

i'm just your average girl with a dirty mind. young, asian and submissive...does that pique your interest? constantly in a battle with myself whether to stay confined by my cultural values or to break free like the freak i am.

Instagram: @thesassysubdaily
Twitter: @sassysubdaily

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8 Comments

  1. What a lovely post and I would echo a lot of your thoughts about the intimacy of sleeping with someone else. 😊

    1. I think having sex with someone is one thing, but sleeping in someone’s arms is a lot more trusting. I guess it’s because you’re trusting that you’re safe with them through the night.

  2. I used to be fine on my own. But since I moved in with Ben things have changed, I don’t like being apart from him at all. I have trouble sleeping when I am alone and I worry about his safety….and my safety. I start to imagine all sorts of weird stuff.

    1. For me, I overthink when I’m alone and when I overthink, anxiety creeps in and eventually I’m a nervous wreck about so many things. So sleeping is one of the few times I have to be alone in my bed in my room because well I don’t live with him.

  3. howie1320 says:

    The way things are these days I think a lot of people are in need of a big long hug. I hope you are okay sass👄

    1. Thank you Howie. I just overthink things when I should just put things to rest so that I myself can rest.

  4. Early in our relationship my husband learned that I don’t like going to bed alone. I prefer us going upstairs together, and that has become our habit. I need him next to me when I go to sleep. It’s only when I am ill that I don’t mind going to bed alone. Nice post, Sass, and I hope you get to sleep in his arms one day. Sending you hugs.
    ~ Marie

    1. I think it’s a security thing. I don’t know why, but maybe subconsciously, we realize that we are vulnerable when we sleep. We are often unaware of what happens during our sleep so having that “safety net” to be right beside us is what soothes that state of mind?

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