“It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;—it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.” – Jane Austen (Sense and Sensibility)
There are some people who have known me my whole life, yet don’t know a single intimate detail about me. Then there are others who have known me for less than a week, yet it feels like a lifetime. As Jane Austen said, it’s not a matter of time that determines the level of intimacy with others, but nature of the relationship itself.
THE PHYSICAL ACT
When you hear the word intimacy, what do you think of? I can bet that most people would think of a sexual act. You’re naked with another person(s) and you are sharing parts of your body that you normally don’t share with others.
In that moment, your body are fused together as one. That seems pretty intimate to me.
Your legs are tangled together and you’re cuddling after sex. Skin on skin, he rubs her back and thumbs her cheek. It all seems rather intimate.
But I think this is the easy part for me. I do get scared that when I take off my clothes, he won’t like what he sees. Maybe, my body is too flawed for him to find it attractive. However, I take off my clothes anyway and put myself on display.
I show him my physical flaws and maybe just maybe, if he still wants me, I’ll open up and show him all of me.
So he’s know seen the parts of my body that I tried to hide and he hasn’t gone running for the hills. But do I open my heart to him?
Emotional intimacy is a lot harder to achieve. The stakes are raised as it’s heartbreak that you risk this time. Do you want to show all your cards to this person? Is heartbreak worth the risk?
Emotional intimacy on a bright and sunny day, is quite amazing. You feel so at home with the other person. But when the storms rise and wreak havoc on the relationship (whether it’s romantic or just a friendship), it doesn’t feel so great. Suddenly, you fear the backstabbing, the abandonment, and the hurt.
So is it worth it? I can’t say for sure because it depends on each person you enter a relationship with.
Many have seen my naked body, but few have been granted access to my heart. I am rather closed off and I like my privacy. When it’s right, I hand you the key and let you see the darkness that lives inside of me.
INTIMACY WITH A STRANGER
But time does not determine the level of intimacy. You could be friends your entire life and never let them see your true colors. However, there are some you meet and pour out your heart to in an instant. It’s a matter of who makes you feel like you’re coming home.
Sir was/is practically a stranger, yet emotionally, I was more intimate with him than those I’ve known my entire life. In Sir, I had found a home. It wasn’t a physical home, but I felt safe and protected. He was my shelter from the storm. The physical side was lacking due to him being in Europe, but with the sexting, we tried.
With lover, there is an abundance of physical intimacy, but the emotional side is lacking on his part. He holds back and I never know what’s going on in his head. I only know the shell of him and what he wants me to see. Sometimes, I think it’s a sign that he doesn’t actually love me, but wants me when he wants sex.
With this blog, there are a lot of intimate details about me and pictures of my naked body, but is it intimacy? I don’t quite think so. You see, you may get to see into my dirty little life, but you don’t know who I am. I hide my face.
But I’ve shown my face to just one and that in and of itself was the first really intimate act with someone who follows this blog. Then I shared my name and that was trusting that person with even more of myself. Physically and emotionally stripped before this person. It truly is intimacy with a stranger.