Self-control is thrown out the window as I cater to others. I long to be desired so I do what I have to do to feel that way and sometimes that means doing rash things. It also means that my emotions are not always in check.
NO SELF-CONTROL EQUALS PERMISSION TO SLAP ME
I always swore that I wouldn’t be one of those crazy clingy girlfriends. Before I started dating, I’d ask, “How can she stand to be around him 24/7? I can’t stand the clinginess!” So, I told my best friend at the time, “If I ever become like one of those girls, please smack me to knock some sense into me.” He laughed and said it would be an honor.
But I later became just like those girls and my friend wasn’t around to knock any sense into me. I lacked the self-control to set boundaries and separate myself as an individual. With several men, we became a unit. It didn’t happen with every guy, but I think I found myself inseparable from the ones I really loved. My mind would have self-control and give them some space. But my heart is stronger and doesn’t think so logically.
I asked for someone to slap me if I drank. When I was younger, I liked to drink and party, but I guess that’s pretty normal. One day, I blacked out because I had so much to drink. After that, I knew I had a problem so I had to sweat myself off of alcohol for a while. My friends wanted to go out and I wanted to spend time with them. Knowing my lack of self-control, I told them to slap me if they saw a drink in my hand. It was a rather miserable night. But I guess it solved the problem because I rarely drink now.
LOSING SELF-CONTROL IN THE SEDUCTION
I need to feel wanted and desired so I do as I am told in order to please. If he wants me naked, I’ll strip. Or if she wants me to wear a butt plug all day, I’ll do it. I lose my willpower to say no because in the desire to feel wanted I have no self-control.
If there’s another woman in the bedroom and I’m ordered to eat her out, I’d do it because I live to please. I guess I associate pleasing others with feeling wanted because when you please others they reward you with a bit of their time and attention. It seems to have become an addiction to which I have no self-control.
SO I WEAR NEW LINGERIE
My lingerie collection has grown in the last month. I know it turns him on seeing me in lingerie. So I take these photos of my body, more specifically my boobs. A sane mind would say not to send or post such racy things.
But I have no self-control so I do it anyway.
I do it in hope that he’ll notice me and lose his own self-control along the way.