Erotic Journal Challenge, Fitness Friday, Musically Ranting, September Song Project 2

Breathe – It’s A Need, It’s A Priority

“A broken heart is the worst. It’s like having broken ribs. Nobody can see it, but it hurts every time you breathe.” – Unknown


Often, I’d lift a substantial amount of weight and hold my breath on instinct. My coach would yell at me, “Don’t forget to breathe,” as my face turned beat red. I’m not sure why it was difficult to remember how to breathe in those instances.

Perhaps, it’s a subconscious attempt to slow my heart rate. Many of the Olympic lifters at the gym would do something similar. They would take a large breath then do their lift and finally, they would exhale. This is called the valsalva maneuver and it can be dangerous.

Maybe, those lifters perform the valsalva maneuver subconsciously. Breathing is an involuntary action; it’s so much a part of life that we probably don’t even realize when we aren’t breathing. But with our breath comes life. We need to breathe; we need oxygen to survive.


Most people have very shallow breaths and this is often referred to as chest breathing. But humans are meant to be belly breathers. When you take a belly breath, you should see the rib cage expand then the belly extend. Belly breathing is also referred to as diaphragmatic breathing. Don’t let the name fool you though because even chest breathing requires some use of the diaphragm.

When you are belly breathing, you allow for more oxygen to enter your body. According to NASA, the air we breathe is composed of a mixture of gases which is mainly 78% nitrogen and 21% oxygen (at sea level). With a shallow breath, you are not allowing for as much oxygenated air to enter your lungs which is why chest breathing doesn’t really help lower your heart rate. For this reason, Mike Clancy, a Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist, believes that people should focus on breathing properly when they exercise.

So how do you breathe? Well, air should be inhaled through your nose and exhaled through your mouth. This allows for oxygen to enter your lungs while also filtering out other things such a dust and pollen.


When I’m finishing up with an intense workout, I practice different breathing techniques to help regulate my breath and lower my heart rate. I’ll inhale through my nose until I can’t possibly inhale anymore and hold for about two to three seconds, then I’ll slowly exhale through my mouth. When I exhale, my teeth are closed and I make a “sssssss” sound until it feels like all the air has left my lungs.

It lowers my heart rate in record time because my body isn’t working so hard to get the oxygen it needs. Another thing that I like to do is lay on my back with my knees bent and feet flat on the floor. One hand will lay on my chest and the other on my belly. I’ll inhale and exhale to ensure that I am breathing effectively. It seems to calm me down when I’m panicking or stressed. It’s like Michelle Branch’s song, Breathe:

“If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I’ll know everything is alright
Every little piece of me
You’ll see
Everything is alright”

Yoga is also an effective way to learn breathing.

So here I am…the naked cow rising in the morning and inhaling a breath of fresh air. When I exhale, I’d maneuver my body into the cat position…but I felt the cow was a more humiliating position to be in.


Right now, even a simple task as breathing takes the life force out me. I hyperventilate as I cry from a broken heart.

People say, “Just breathe and relax.” But how can you relax when you’re in pain? It’s not necessarily a physical pain, but an emotional one and sometimes, that sort of pain is harder to live through.

I’m hurt, but I’m trying. Right now, I’m focusing on me and trying to prioritize my mental health as it’s tanked. It’s almost as though, my mental health is even worse off than before I met Sir. I feel empty and depressed. It’s not just a darkness and internalized pain because if I felt that it would be better. What I feel is a void so big that it’s beginning to swallow my world whole.

The days are long and lonely. I’ve lost the one person that I’ve shown all the deepest and darkest parts of me to. So the priority isn’t to find anyone knew. My priority is to learn to breathe on my own again.

Yours Truly,
sass c.

For more information on breathing, check out XPT Life.

Fitness Friday - Breathe
Erotic Journal Challenge  - Priority
September Song Project - Breathe
Musically Ranting - Breathe

sass c.

i'm just your average girl with a dirty mind. young, asian and submissive...does that pique your interest? constantly in a battle with myself whether to stay confined by my cultural values or to break free like the freak i am.

Instagram: @thesassysubdaily
Twitter: @sassysubdaily

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  1. My heart is breaking for you, my friend. I’m so sorry <3

  2. I’m sorry you’re struggling so much right now. I hope you are able to find some (self) focus and breathe in some clarity along with the oxygen.


    1. I just wish he wasn’t ghosting me. It was like one day he was exciting to talk to me then the next everything changed and I felt like he stopped caring about me altogether.

      1. When someone is willing to let you hang like that, when they will walk away without a word and obviously without a care for your feelings, it says a lot about what kind of person they are.

        Nothing a person SAYS will ever speak so loudly as what they DO. I know it sucks but for me, as an outsider, the message he’s sending through his silence is loud and clear: HE DOESN’T DESERVE YOU.

        I can tell from what you’ve written that you think the problem lies with you somehow. It doesn’t. It’s all him. Just remember that.


        1. All this time, I thought he was different. He seemed to care so much about me then things suddenly changed. I guess that’s what makes it difficult to have him just disappear.

  3. Has something happened Sass?
    I think I need to go back and find your posts. Ben and I are away and it is hard hook up to the internet.

    1. Everything that could have gone wrong went wrong and there’s nothing I can do about it.

      1. Sass, you seem to be convinced that things are over and I can only imagine your pain. It is always really hard when all your hopes seem on the line. The vulnerable nature of an intimate relationship means that it cuts you up in every way.

        I don’t know all of the ins and outs with you and your partner, but I do know that a lot of men (not all men) are pants when it comes to communicating and being emotionally present all the time. For the first time in my life I have finally experienced some stability in a relationship because i am actually living with Ben, so I know when he is not in a good mood and when he wants his space. I just adjust to make sure he has what he needs and I occupy myself. But every previous relationship had a blend of joys and torture. When a guy would decide he did not feel like seeing me, talking to me, answering my messages (and I was like an eager puppy, desperate for reassurance and affection) it was awful. But I could not go in asking them what was wrong. I had to be patient. I found the most effective way of gradually cajoling them out of their grump was with a little bit of humour. I would give them a week or so and then drop a text just to say I hope they had a good week. Sometimes there would be no answer. I would wait another week and send a little message to say I was thinking of running away with the circus and becoming a flame thrower. If there was still no answer I would wait another week and send a message claiming life in the circus was great fun and I have started a passionate fling with the lion tamer. If there was still no answer and a whole month had passed, I would send a text message saying I was going to send the fire brigade, the local PD, FBI, CIA, the Marines and the Airforce around to his house to check on him as I was growing concerned. I reminded him it had been a month and asked for just a slight indication that he was still alive. Normally that was enough to get him to start talking. But it took a lot of patience and understanding – it was sometimes sheer torment.

        Everyone is different, but almost every man I have known had little battles within themselves – it could have been anxiety, guilt, loss of motivation, but often rather than talking and wanting comfort, they wanted to be alone and be in their own little world for a while.

        Of course my mind would race with all sorts of fears during their silence. I realized I only wanted to be refreshing and lighthearted to them. I had to find other ways to look after my own emotional needs (a bunch of amazing friends is essential if you are in a relationship with a guy who sometimes ghosts you) and that i could not be absolutely dependent on them.

        Of course in the case of “Simon”, although I am sure he really was very very fond of me and that he did not want to hurt me, I suspect that during his occasional silences he may have been shagging another woman. But equally I know he sometimes wanted space to meditate (he was into meditation) or to work on his hobbies (arts and model making for games) and sometimes to binge watch some dark twisted TV series that he knew I would hate.

        Simon always said to me that one of the things that made me very attractive to him was that I was happy. I realized I could not depend on him for my happiness. There had to be lots of other things that kept me happy so that I was did not become a wreck every time he did his silent thing. I had to get the balance right though reminding him that he added enormously to my happiness and that I wanted to do the same for him. I made it clear that I knew life is wonderful and there is so much to enjoy, but that he made it better for me, that he made the skies bluer and the flowers prettier, and that he certainly made sleep sweeter.

        I don’t know how things stand now with your partner, but if there has already been any intensity in any communications with him, I would perhaps recommend being less intense and taking a lighter approach. He might need to be reminded of how much fun you have had together and the happy memories. But don’t let the frequency of messages nor the nature of them become intense. Most people in the world right now have things to worry about….money, jobs, health etc. Everyone is feeling extra pressure at the moment. So most people will want their romantic life to be something that lifts their spirits, involving fun and laughter, music and good food, and lovely sex. They will not want their romantic life to be overly demanding or a burden.

        It’s hard Sass….I know I found it hard on nights my heart was breaking and I wanted my lover to come and hold me tight, but he had decided to go MIA for a few weeks. But I had to learn ways to be resilient to that, preserve my joy in life, and always try to be something refreshing and joyful so that when my lover was feeling better in himself, he knew I was there and would be pure enjoyment for him.

        Moving in with Ben is the best thing I have done, not so many ups and downs. He still gets tired and I have to be able to notice he is not himself and that he needs some space to work out his thoughts and deal with the stress he is under. He goes through occasional periods where he does not seem to have the energy to talk.. I make sure I am quiet and easy going at those times. But at least I know that is the issue. When you live apart it is harder because you are totally in the dark about what is going on.

        1. I think it’s different for me because at the end of July, he was going to end things, but I begged him not to. Even the thought of losing him hurt. After that things weren’t the same.

          But three weeks ago, his demeanor toward me changed completely. He talked as if he was trying to create distance but I kept trying to talk to him until he started ignoring me. It felt like he just didn’t want me anymore and like he didn’t care about me anymore. But this time around he’s said absolutely nothing. He hasn’t said he’s ending things which makes his silence even harder because I don’t know what’s going through his head. He’s completely shut me out.

          1. I am still a tiny bit confused…is this Sir. Are you still with Lover? Or do I have that the wrong way around.

            He does not seem ready to tell you what is going on in his head, his heart and in his life that is causing him to feel he needs to create distance, end the relationship and now go silent. But there could be lots of reasons.

            I think that when we detect a relationship is about to end, we can drive ourselves crazy thinking it is our fault, desperate to find a way to fix things. I often think that if someone wants to call it quits it is usually more about them than anything.

            I am thinking of my own experiences and that of others with this little list of things that can be going on with a guy (or a woman) that can cause them to want to make changes such as ending their current relationships:

            – they are tired – worrying about someone else is becoming a burden
            – they are busy – they can’t fit everything in and they are getting stressed out
            – they are anxious – their worry about their job, their bills, and other practical matters is dominating everything for them, the want to simplify their life because it is all getting too much
            – they are just depressed – they cannot make sense of their own emotions any more and can’t cope with any intense emotions or drama
            – they are not happy in the relationship, it is not fulfilling their emotional or other needs, so they want to end it and move on in their search to find the right person for them (I only found it easier to accept this when I felt the urge to do it myself. I learnt that it is better to be honest and explain why I was ending things – but it does not always go down well and some people prefer to just go silent rather than offering an explanation for their decision)
            – they have met someone else already (I prefer it when someone ends one relationship before they pursue another one, but some people stay in a relationship whether it is working for them or not until something that seems better to them comes along) It can sometimes come as a shock to us, but if we think hard, the warnings were there for a long time that the other person still had their eyes on other people
            – they are making major life changes – maybe they have decided they want to get in shape, sort out their finances, concentrate spending time with their older parents or other relatives they have been neglecting, pursue an educational course, change jobs/career and they feel they need to give those matters their full attention and effort without distractions
            – their faith or beliefs is making them feel they need to clean up their life. Perhaps they now feel they have had a casual view of sex and they want to change that. Maybe they want to learn some self-control and have decided they don’t want to have casual sex anymore, they want to make changes that make them feel like a better person and then once their conscience is healed and they feel closer to their god, perhaps they will consider finding a like minded person to marry

            People have so many different motivations. When they don’t tell you….it could be anyone’s guess what is really going on in their head, in their heart and in their life. We are all a complex mix of thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, beliefs, values, and concerns. 2020 has been a turbulent year, and often it is when big things are happening in someone’s life, or when they are spending more time on their own than normal that they start thinking everything over and decide they want to make changes or they need to address things they were previously neglecting

            That’s why we need to be tough. Some people make changes without communicating to those around them why they suddenly want that change. It can leave us wondering what went wrong. But it could be anything. It is most likely about things they have not fully worked out in their own heads and they just want a clean break so they can have some peace of mind to find out why they are not happy right now.

            Some people know themselves very well. Other people are lost and when they feel themselves slipping into depression they try to cast off everything that is tiring them to find some relief.

            It can hurt a lot, but I think it brings the best out of us if we can be caring and gracious, kind and understanding, refreshing and empathetic. If I realize a relationship is about to end, I try my best to end it on a high. I try to assure the other person that I had a wonderful time with them and will always treasure the happy memories. I sincerely wish them happiness and assure them that it would be a pleasure to hear from them every now and then so that I know they are ok. I remind them I have a tendency to worry about the people I love so I would like to think that if they are every in trouble they know they can always call on me.

            Then I move on Sass, feeling good about myself, feeling at peace with my ex, and trying to preserve my hope that because I know I am a nice person, I will meet someone else. Because in a world where there is not enough kindness, people do want to be with someone nice and kind and refreshing. Having a great sex life with them would be even more of a bonus!

            1. Things are okay with lover. It’s Sir that has been ignoring me. I saw that he read my last message telling him how I felt and he didn’t say anything. I guess it really is over and he doesn’t care anymore. He used to check on me when I was down. He always used to ask, “How are you feeling today? Better?” He saw my messages about what going on with my health and didn’t show any concern like he once did. I guess he really doesn’t care anymore.

            2. We have to be careful when we have someone who has been a support to us through emotional lows. If they are not answering, it might not be a sign that they don’t care. It might be a sign they cannot cope.

              Years ago I had a bit of a nightmare with a relative of mine who was behaving oddly. She was depressed and I tried to be supportive. But she was also drinking heavily and she kept ringing me in the middle of the night crying in hysterics. In addition she seemed to think I should take time off work to help with child-minding. I lived two hours away. I was not a close relative. But because I had extended a listening ear, emotional support and had visited her and had her child stay over when she wanted some time to herself, she was expecting me to provide more and more support. I was in an accident and ended up in ICU. Later when I looked at my phone I had received a flurry of abusive messages from her because I had not answered her calls or responded to her texts. It made me realize that it was time to put some distance between her and myself. I was no longer able to cope. I was not qualified or equipped to deal with the challenges she faced. Instead I appealed to her parents and siblings to monitor her and consider whether she may need some professional help.

              But she was a relative (extended family) so I did feel I had a responsibility towards her. When it comes to romantic relationships, I think that some people want a relationship with someone who makes them feel better and helps them enjoy life. All of us….all of us have challenges and things that get us down. When we tell our beloved our struggles and are honest about our weaknesses it can be endearing. It can sometimes forge a closer bond. It make them feel they are needed. But it can also go the other way. If we always go to them with our troubles, they may find they don’t know what to say anymore.

              I have some friends and colleagues with depression or mental health challenges. i love them very much, but sometimes I feel as if I am pouring water into a basin without the plug pressed in. All the encouragement and support seems to drain away down the plughole. They come back needing the same amount of time or even more time and attention, reassurance and encouragement. I wish I had endless time and emotional energy to be the kind of friend I want to be, but I have my own limits. I can’t carry all of their burdens in my heart because it weighs me down.

              Ben likes me to tell him if anything is overwhelming me. But he is also one of those men who wants to fix it right away (which is not always what I want). I find that instead writing about my worries or going for a walk and talking about them outloud (even if someone notices me and thinks I am doo-lally) helps me get over the surge of emotion, so that I don’t end up sobbing to Ben with a sense of hopelessness and despair. I want to be someone who makes life sweeter for Ben. So I am careful about how often I turn to him for support with my emotions. I think it would tire him out if it was too often. I ask him for help with the stuff I really cannot get my head round or I tell him when I have days when I just want to cry all day and I don’t know why.

  4. So so sorry to read of your sadness 🙏🙏🙏🙏

  5. Just breathe Sass.

    1. Thank Elliott. Perhaps this Friday, I’ll have another yoga pose haha.

  6. howie1320 says:

    I’m just getting to know you sass , but my heart aches to hear your torment. Love howie❤

    1. Thank you Howie!

  7. Posy Churchgate says:

    Hey Sass, I saw from an earlier post, or was it a tweet, that you had just been left high and dry. This post resonates with your pain and I admire your honesty.

    I think Mrs F gave good advice, this is on him not you. Likely he felt he could not give what you needed (and deserved) but you should have had an explanation, something to give you closure. But as JK says, men can be pants at that, and perhaps he was afraid you’d ‘persuade’ him again.

    Going ‘cold turkey’ is tough, but you’ve got this! you are strong enough. You did not frighten him away with “all” off you – he was just not up to the task of being your everything.

    Lots of love & hugs P x

    1. I wish he would at least try to stay friends. I’ve told him before that even if he couldn’t stay my Dom that I’d want him as a friend. But, it’s clear that he doesn’t want to be a part of my life at all anymore as my last message to him remains unread. I think he actually blocked me.

  8. I often fall back on the mantra, “Just breathe”. It is amazing how powerful the breath can be, how healing, how stabilizing. To focus on one thing…the essence of our life force, in times of struggle, can be the action that sees us through to the point when we can finally do more than Just Breathe.

    I do wish you love and patience in this time.

    1. Thank you Brigit! I think I often forget to just breathe. Then it feels like I’m in over my head.

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