If you’re reading this which I think you are, I just don’t understand why you didn’t just have less time for me, but you started to completely ignore me. Did you want me to decide for myself that I want out? Was that your intention? Because it feels worse than if you just told me we’re through. Now, I fear people will just disappear on me without a trace.
I’m scared that people will continue to abandon me until I’m all alone.
Is this hard for you too? Because it just doesn’t seem fair that I can barely function without you.
I’m terrified about what’s happening to me and before, you were always there. Now, I have to face them alone because I don’t even know if you still care.
Thankfully, no one has been in the office because I cannot contain my tears. I cry everyday because this is just too hard for me.
When did it all go wrong? At what point did you stop wanting me? Was I not fun to play with anymore? Not sexy enough for you? Am I that undesirable?
Because something changed and it wasn’t me. I never stopped needing you. I’ve always tried to impress and to do my best to submit to you.
Maybe this pandemic changed the way you see me. I guess I’ll never know. But I miss the days when you would take interest in my days and my dreams. And I miss being able to tell you about the good and the bad. I miss laughing with you and lighting up with a smile when I saw your name pop up on my screen.
Why was it so sudden?
I don’t know how to distract myself from you.
Eight months and I don’t even get a goodbye.
And if you told me you still wanted me, without hesitation I’d come running back to you. I got attached to you and without, it feel like losing a limb. There’s phantom pains from feeling like you are still here and knowing that you’re not.
So what do I do? How do I heal? How am I supposed to cope without you?