No True Way

Losing Control, Saving Myself

“As a submissive, you’re in control.”

They say the submissive holds the power in a D/s relationship because the submissive has the whether or not they will submit to the Dominant. In that sense the submissive is in control, though, many times, it may seem as the the Dominant is in control because the submissive does as they command.

I GAVE YOU CONTROL

Control over my life was mine before I met Sir. But I decided to hand it over to him because he was the one I trusted. Even now, my life is still my own, but when it came to play and touching myself, he was in control.

But I had a choice; he didn’t force me to submit. I willingly gave myself to him because I knew that he would take care of me which he did.

It’s rather ironic that I am a submissive because I’m so used to being in control. And often times, it’s hard for me to let go of it.

LOSING CONTROL

But there’s just some things that I cannot control. My feelings that develop over time is one of those things. When I realized that I was starting to develop feelings for Sir, a bit of that power that I still held onto was completely lost. I’d do anything for him because I was so immersed in him. Submission was easy because of how strongly I felt.

But there comes a time when it’s no longer healthy. How can I continue to submit to someone who is now rejecting my submission? I just can’t; it’s not possible. So with the control that I do have left, I have to let go.

SAVING MYSELF

I love Sir and I think a part of me always will. He did care for me and he did protect me and help me in times of need. A part of me will always belong to him, but I just can’t give him anymore now. I wish that I could save us, but no matter what I do, nothing helps. And I don’t think I can save myself, if I continue to try to save what we did have.

So I’m going to stop messaging him. If he wants to talk to me, he can, but I’m can’t keep chasing someone who no longer wants me because then I’ll just keep running toward nothing. I’ll end up running further and further away from myself until I end up completely lost and he won’t be there to help me find myself again.

I can’t be someone’s second choice; I don’t want to be someone’s last priority. Letting go hurts, but holding onto someone that’s not there anymore hurts even more.

So I have a choice…do I continue to submit to a ghost or do I find a way to live without him? In eight months, I sunk this far in that if I don’t choose to live for myself right now, it will become even more difficult to do.

So with the control I have, I have to revoke my submission. It hurts and I’ll always love him as a friend. But I can’t love myself if I continue to love him as my Dominant.

Yours Truly,
sass c.

Image from Unsplash

No True Way - Control

sass c.

i'm just your average girl with a dirty mind. young, asian and submissive...does that pique your interest? constantly in a battle with myself whether to stay confined by my cultural values or to break free like the freak i am.

Instagram: @thesassysubdaily
Twitter: @sassysubdaily

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11 Comments

  1. Aw I’m sorry🙏🏼but good that you are looking out for you❤️

    1. It’s hard to even function without him. I feel like I lost part of my soul.

      1. 🥺❤️

  2. I’m really sorry that you are hurting, sass. When we have given over that control to another, it is very difficult to say goodbye. My heart is hurting for you. Please take care of yourself <3

    1. Each day, I wish he’d talk to me and say, “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to talk lately.” I wish that things would go back to the way they used to be. Not being able to play was fine, but losing the one person who knew the depths me makes it hard to keep on going.

      1. I can understand that. It is very hard to be vulnerable to someone, let them see the real you, and have them walk away. I’m sorry….😥❤

      2. It makes me think that the real me isn’t good enough for anyone because if it was, people wouldn’t just leave. Maybe I’m just too much for anyone to handle.

      3. I’m guessing you just haven’t found your match. Failed relationships don’t mean there is something wrong with you, but with compatibility.

      4. I thought he was my perfect match. It’s why I would tell him that I didn’t think I could ever submit to anyone else so if things ever ended between us, I’d probably just leave the lifestyle altogether.

  3. I am so sorry you had to make this decision, Sass, and I know this makes you doubt yourself in all kinds of ways, but please don’t. There is so much strength in choosing for yourself, even when it means you have to let go of someone you love. You are right, you should never be someone’s second choice. Take care of yourself.
    ~ Marie

    1. Thank you. I just wish I could get some closure. Not getting closure just heightens my fear of abandonment.

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