“As a submissive, you’re in control.”
They say the submissive holds the power in a D/s relationship because the submissive has the whether or not they will submit to the Dominant. In that sense the submissive is in control, though, many times, it may seem as the the Dominant is in control because the submissive does as they command.
I GAVE YOU CONTROL
Control over my life was mine before I met Sir. But I decided to hand it over to him because he was the one I trusted. Even now, my life is still my own, but when it came to play and touching myself, he was in control.
But I had a choice; he didn’t force me to submit. I willingly gave myself to him because I knew that he would take care of me which he did.
It’s rather ironic that I am a submissive because I’m so used to being in control. And often times, it’s hard for me to let go of it.
But there’s just some things that I cannot control. My feelings that develop over time is one of those things. When I realized that I was starting to develop feelings for Sir, a bit of that power that I still held onto was completely lost. I’d do anything for him because I was so immersed in him. Submission was easy because of how strongly I felt.
But there comes a time when it’s no longer healthy. How can I continue to submit to someone who is now rejecting my submission? I just can’t; it’s not possible. So with the control that I do have left, I have to let go.
I love Sir and I think a part of me always will. He did care for me and he did protect me and help me in times of need. A part of me will always belong to him, but I just can’t give him anymore now. I wish that I could save us, but no matter what I do, nothing helps. And I don’t think I can save myself, if I continue to try to save what we did have.
So I’m going to stop messaging him. If he wants to talk to me, he can, but I’m can’t keep chasing someone who no longer wants me because then I’ll just keep running toward nothing. I’ll end up running further and further away from myself until I end up completely lost and he won’t be there to help me find myself again.
I can’t be someone’s second choice; I don’t want to be someone’s last priority. Letting go hurts, but holding onto someone that’s not there anymore hurts even more.
So I have a choice…do I continue to submit to a ghost or do I find a way to live without him? In eight months, I sunk this far in that if I don’t choose to live for myself right now, it will become even more difficult to do.
So with the control I have, I have to revoke my submission. It hurts and I’ll always love him as a friend. But I can’t love myself if I continue to love him as my Dominant.
Image from Unsplash