“But feelings can’t be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful they seem.” ~ Anne Frank
The current topic for Quote Quest really got me thinking. It’s can be taken interpreted in different ways and the two ways that I interpreted it as were both unhealthy.
Often times, I like to hold in my feelings. I like to bottle them up and throw them away because running from pain, sadness, anger just seems a lot easier than letting them out and facing them head on.
Margaret Cullen says, “Emotion suppression, for example, consists of ‘inhibiting the outward signs of your inner feelings.’” She says that doing so does not make the emotion go away, but makes it more painful because it stays inside of you. Cullen further states, “Professionals in high-stress jobs (doctors, police, military) are often taught that emotional suppression is an effective strategy for emotional regulation, in spite of plentiful research suggesting otherwise.” It makes you think about what’s going on in the world. Veterans come back from war with PTSD. There’s police brutality and doctors committing suicide amidst the pandemic. Could these things be prevented if emotional suppression is no longer the standard?
Suppressing feelings is dangerous to ourselves and maybe it’s the cause of harm to those around us as well.
Sometimes, it’s not necessarily a problem within ourselves, but a problem caused by a toxic person.
I think back to a time when I had this one friend. She was rather judgmental toward everyone, but it seemed like she took most of it out on me. Many things she said were very hypocritical because she did the very thing she criticized me for. I told how she had hurt me after she did this multiple times. Her response was, “I didn’t hurt you.” There was no apology; she just kept invalidating my feelings. She basically stated that my feelings of being hurt were wrong. Eventually, I just stopped talking to her and cut her out of my life.
I also look at how my ex invalidated my feelings so often. It was his signature move. Verbally berate me then invalidate my emotions right after. This pattern left me feeling like most things were my fault.
I feel as though these events have impacted how I deal with coping with my emotions even now. It’s why I have a difficult time telling Sir that I feel scared when he is distant. I’m fearful that those feelings will be diminished. I know he is not my ex and he is not like that one friend, but it’s still a constant fear.
Perhaps, suppressing our feelings and emotional invalidation does just that; it causes us to live in fear.
The Sassy Sub Daily
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