“The heart sometimes doesn’t care about limits.” – Kristen Ashley
When I was looking up quotes about limits, I saw many that stated limits in friendships is not a real friendship. I also saw quotes talking about how you shouldn’t have limits, but I think that’s dangerous. You put them in place to protect yourself and sometimes even others. In a way, they show that you still think for yourself a bit.
LIMITS OF SUBMISSION
When I first met Sir, I had a few limits written down. I didn’t have a whole lot because I hadn’t had too much experience with D/s relationships. The Dom I had before Sir pretty much ignored them and asked for things that were clearly stated as things I would not do. This is probably the reason why I didn’t care when he went MIA.
Since meeting Sir, the list hasn’t exactly grown for him, but now, I do have certain rules of conduct for others to abide by. On my getDare account, the rules I have are as follows:
I’m currently owned, so doms need not apply. I have no desire to leave my Dom and I don’t need to provide you with a reason why. For those of you who are illiterate, keep moving along because I’ve already said next. I don’t do children so if you’re under 21, please move along and leave. I don’t take dares via PM or Kik and I only do as Sir says so what you want is not even an afterthought. Trust is very important to me and it’s not something that comes easily. Demands for nudes on the spot will be ignored. Multiple demands may just land you on my permanent shit list.
Likes, dislikes and limits are listed below…though you won’t need them because again I have a Dom and it’s definitely not you.
likes: tit play, spanking, wedgies, pain, bondage, hypnosis, rough sex, humiliation
dislikes: public, messy, anal (but trying to learn to like it)
limits: pics with face, webcam, illegal, incest, scat
This was written in January so things have changed a bit. Public is no longer a dislike. Pictures with face and webcam are still on my list, but I’ve broken those for Sir willingly.
LIMITS AND DOMINANCE
Maybe some people think that Dominants don’t have limits, but I think that they should. If a submissive really likes a certain kink that their Dominant is completely against, I think it needs to be made known. This absolute no should be revealed before any commitments to a D/s relationship are made.
Let’s say a submissive’s kink is being an adult baby. Their utmost satisfaction depends on it, but several Dominants find it to be a turn off. In order for both the Dominant and submissive to get pleasure out of the relationship, both parties would need to enjoy this kink. I think it would be best for the submissive with this kink to pass on the Dominant who dislikes it and find a Dominant who enjoys it.
Sir has limits of his own and luckily between those and his likes, we seem to be on similar pages. On Sir’s getDare profile, he wrote the following:
Likes: Anal (giving), rough play, bondage, humiliation, degradation, objectification, obedience training, online control
Limits: scat, underage, playing with males (TV, XD etc); text speak
I think this is why Sir and I work so well. When it comes to BDSM, we have similar taste which means play can be pleasurable for both of us. This definitely helps with being able to trust him when we play. I know he won’t engage in one of my limits (that I haven’t already decided to break for him) because it’s mostly his limit as well.
THE NEED FOR BOUNDARIES
Boundaries are safety measures. Some of the boundaries that Sir and I set from the beginning was the need to keep each other’s identities safe. We know a lot of personal details about each other that we hadn’t disclosed to D/s partners previously. Privacy is something we both value and social suicide is something that we strive to avoid.
When you are dating someone, you may want to call up a friend and tell them all the juicy details about your love life. This can’t happen in my relationship with Sir. It can be hard when we seem to hit a difficult patch, but keeping each other safe is part of the trust we have in each other.
There’s no sharing pictures of each other to our closest friends. I can’t brag about how amazing Sir is and how lucky I am to have him. But it’s a sacrifice that my attention-loving self is willing to make because even though, it’s not a traditional relationship, it is still a relationship. Relationships are built on trust and love and I have both of those things for Sir.
Maybe, you’ve only thought of limits in the physical sense, but I think these boundaries we’ve set fall into that category as well. Romance, family ties, or maybe even recurring events you attend, should all be be considered when determining limits. Is a romantic relationship completely off the table? Are there certain things that would be a detriment to your family ties?
Lastly, if you tell me you have no limits, you are most likely lying. It’s okay to set boundaries. We absolutely need them.
The Sassy Sub Daily
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