Tell Me About

Limits – The Love Of Boundaries

“The heart sometimes doesn’t care about limits.” – Kristen Ashley

When I was looking up quotes about limits, I saw many that stated limits in friendships is not a real friendship. I also saw quotes talking about how you shouldn’t have limits, but I think that’s dangerous. You put them in place to protect yourself and sometimes even others. In a way, they show that you still think for yourself a bit.

LIMITS OF SUBMISSION

When I first met Sir, I had a few limits written down. I didn’t have a whole lot because I hadn’t had too much experience with D/s relationships. The Dom I had before Sir pretty much ignored them and asked for things that were clearly stated as things I would not do. This is probably the reason why I didn’t care when he went MIA.

Since meeting Sir, the list hasn’t exactly grown for him, but now, I do have certain rules of conduct for others to abide by. On my getDare account, the rules I have are as follows:

I’m currently owned, so doms need not apply. I have no desire to leave my Dom and I don’t need to provide you with a reason why. For those of you who are illiterate, keep moving along because I’ve already said next. I don’t do children so if you’re under 21, please move along and leave. I don’t take dares via PM or Kik and I only do as Sir says so what you want is not even an afterthought. Trust is very important to me and it’s not something that comes easily. Demands for nudes on the spot will be ignored. Multiple demands may just land you on my permanent shit list. 

Likes, dislikes and limits are listed below…though you won’t need them because again I have a Dom and it’s definitely not you. 

likes: tit play, spanking, wedgies, pain, bondage, hypnosis, rough sex, humiliation

dislikes: public, messy, anal (but trying to learn to like it)

limits: pics with face, webcam, illegal, incest, scat

This was written in January so things have changed a bit. Public is no longer a dislike. Pictures with face and webcam are still on my list, but I’ve broken those for Sir willingly.

LIMITS AND DOMINANCE

Maybe some people think that Dominants don’t have limits, but I think that they should. If a submissive really likes a certain kink that their Dominant is completely against, I think it needs to be made known. This absolute no should be revealed before any commitments to a D/s relationship are made.

Let’s say a submissive’s kink is being an adult baby. Their utmost satisfaction depends on it, but several Dominants find it to be a turn off. In order for both the Dominant and submissive to get pleasure out of the relationship, both parties would need to enjoy this kink. I think it would be best for the submissive with this kink to pass on the Dominant who dislikes it and find a Dominant who enjoys it.

Sir has limits of his own and luckily between those and his likes, we seem to be on similar pages. On Sir’s getDare profile, he wrote the following:

Likes: Anal (giving), rough play, bondage, humiliation, degradation, objectification, obedience training, online control
Limits: scat, underage, playing with males (TV, XD etc); text speak

I think this is why Sir and I work so well. When it comes to BDSM, we have similar taste which means play can be pleasurable for both of us. This definitely helps with being able to trust him when we play. I know he won’t engage in one of my limits (that I haven’t already decided to break for him) because it’s mostly his limit as well.

THE NEED FOR BOUNDARIES

Boundaries are safety measures. Some of the boundaries that Sir and I set from the beginning was the need to keep each other’s identities safe. We know a lot of personal details about each other that we hadn’t disclosed to D/s partners previously. Privacy is something we both value and social suicide is something that we strive to avoid.

When you are dating someone, you may want to call up a friend and tell them all the juicy details about your love life. This can’t happen in my relationship with Sir. It can be hard when we seem to hit a difficult patch, but keeping each other safe is part of the trust we have in each other.

There’s no sharing pictures of each other to our closest friends. I can’t brag about how amazing Sir is and how lucky I am to have him. But it’s a sacrifice that my attention-loving self is willing to make because even though, it’s not a traditional relationship, it is still a relationship. Relationships are built on trust and love and I have both of those things for Sir.

Maybe, you’ve only thought of limits in the physical sense, but I think these boundaries we’ve set fall into that category as well. Romance, family ties, or maybe even recurring events you attend, should all be be considered when determining limits. Is a romantic relationship completely off the table? Are there certain things that would be a detriment to your family ties?

Lastly, if you tell me you have no limits, you are most likely lying. It’s okay to set boundaries. We absolutely need them.

Yours Truly,
The Sassy Sub Daily

Image from Unsplash

Tell Me About - Limits

sass c.

i'm just your average girl with a dirty mind. young, asian and submissive...does that pique your interest? constantly in a battle with myself whether to stay confined by my cultural values or to break free like the freak i am.

Instagram: @thesassysubdaily
Twitter: @sassysubdaily

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11 Comments

  1. I relate to being unable to share this kind of relationship with some people, which is kind of contradictory to what you want to do when you really like the relationship. I think you make a good point about the dominant also needing limits!

    1. I think that’s the beauty of those special relationships. There’s an element to it that cannot be found in any of your other relationships…a vulnerability that can only be found in the company of a specific few.

      1. Yes, definitely!

  2. Boundaries are important in so many ways from when we are young to when we are old. They are about respect. And a D must have limits too – yes for sure
    May x

    1. I see people talking about how they have no limits/boundaries and I call bs. Even in vanilla relationships, we have boundaries…it may come in the form of not looking at your partner’s texts when they’re showering or putting the toilet paper on the dispenser a certain way, but they still exist.

      1. exactly – thanks for reading Sass C
        x

  3. It’s good to see boundaries being respected from both sides. They give structure and support in good and bad times.

    1. I don’t think I’d have much respect for a partner that didn’t respect my boundaries. There’s just no way I’d be able to trust them and give them so much power over me if that was the case.

  4. It’s good to see you both have boundaries and they provide structure and support in good and bad times.

  5. I agree with you that limits and boundaries are necessary and I think that everyone has them really. Also great point about Dominants limits as this is so often overlooked. 🙂

    1. Boundaries are even necessary in family dynamics. I often tell my family to stay out of my room especially if the door is closed. They didn’t respect that and one day, I was changing out of work close…I was completely naked and my mom barged in and was alarmed. I told her, “That’s why you don’t open my door and walk in when it’s closed.” I think my family learned their lesson after that.

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