sass c. in love, Summer Writing Project

An Open Heart – Falling In Love

“When you open your heart with a quiet mind love rushes in.” – Genevieve Gerard

The last prompt of Mrs Fever’s Summer Writing Project is an open one.

I OPEN MY EYES

I open my eyes each morning and think about my lover. Pinpointing the exact moment I fell in love with him is a bit of a difficult task. It was a culmination of events that led to the desire to spend my life with him.

I’ve never been in love before so falling in love was something new and I didn’t know what was going on. Something was changing and I was rather confused. Why did I miss him so much? I didn’t understand why I suddenly needed his comfort in bed when I always liked having the bed to myself.

I OPEN MY HEART

The possibility of loving someone seemed so distant. I had been hurt significantly by someone who claimed he loved me. If that was love, then why would I want anything to do with it?

I let people into my life before only to have them betray me. Why would I want to open my heart to someone and let them in again? Was the pain of betrayal worth it?

Slowly, I began to warm up to lover. It wasn’t just sex anymore; it was something more. When we first started dating, we agreed that it was casual, but casual turned into exclusive and long term. It was no longer a one off or just a booty call.

Soon, the ‘I miss you’s started. We’d exchange those words everyday we were apart. At first, he didn’t believe when I said I miss you. But, I’d cling to him just a bit tighter or a bit longer than I did before. My eyes changed as well and were full of longing when my eyes met his.

It wasn’t necessarily words spoken to show my heart was now open to him. Instead, it was how much I had come to trust him and how vulnerable I made myself around him.

I FALL IN LOVE

Trust and love went hand in hand. When I decided to open my heart to lover, I began to have more intense feelings for him. It wasn’t an exact moment, but more something that happened over a series of moments.

Maybe, it started at the beginning of lockdown. We fought about not being able to see each other. I thought it was the end for us because I thought he was going to give up on us that easily. It was the first time I realized just how much I wanted and needed him so I told him that I didn’t want to be without him. He decided to video chat with me and we made up.

When my ex tried to come back into the picture, lover was there for me and made sure I was safe. There was also time when I needed him to come rescue me and he showed up, no questions asked. He’s been there for me when I was scared. He laughs with me when something funny is said or done. Lover always manages to make me smile and has me screaming in bed.

I don’t know the exact moment I fell in love with him, but I did.

Yours Truly,
The Sassy Sub Daily

Image from Pixabay

Summer Writing Project - Open

To see all the memories that made it into my memoir this summer, please click here.

sass c. in love - open

sass c.

i'm just your average girl with a dirty mind. young, asian and submissive...does that pique your interest? constantly in a battle with myself whether to stay confined by my cultural values or to break free like the freak i am.

Instagram: @thesassysubdaily
Twitter: @sassysubdaily

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11 Comments

  1. Love is like that, I think. It builds in wisps from tiny moments over time and then one day we suddenly realize we are staring at something of substance. 🙂

    Thank you for participating in the Reminiscences project this summer! I’ve enjoyed reading your stories.

    (And P.S., I tried to ‘Like’ your post but it’s not letting me. So also: LIKE!) 😉

    1. I enjoyed participating. It forced me to really think about what I am writing and get creative with it as some topics weren’t things that normally come to mind.

  2. What a gorgeous post <3

    Love is fascinating. I know there were men I dated in the past who I could not love…then someone came along and I felt feelings for him I had not felt for years.

    1. I hope he feels the same. He once told me that he hadn’t been this serious or intimate with any of the girls he’s dated since his divorce. Sometimes, he indirectly infers that I am his girlfriend, but he’s never made things official so I never know how he really feels about me. I hope that he loves me because I don’t see myself doing life with anyone but him.

      1. The guy who inspired “Simon”…I mention him a lot…I made a mistake of telling him I loved him too early. I say “mistake”…I felt so strongly, so I said those three little words…and I think he knew I was being sentimental. But three years after meeting him, I think he knew much better that my feelings were firm. Once he told me he loved me. But what he had got better at is showing love. I think he is very balanced when it comes to emotions.

        We had nighttime discussions about what love really is. He had his own way of showing love – to him making time for me, and being physically affectionate are the ways he loves. Gifts, compliments and acts of service are not his language of love. Whereas I realized I was showing love by baking cakes for him (acts of service), seizing the chance to do his laundry or any housework, buying him gifts. We were speaking slightly different languages of love.

        Over time we we became closer, and understood each other more. I would have loved to have heard him say the words “I love you” more often…but he was showing how he felt in ways I came to appreciate more and more.

        When you love someone…it can feel like being on the end of a yo-yo. The longing to be reassured that your feelings are not in vain, that they are returned, that your lover is becoming entwined with you….it can have such a powerful effect on our emotions.

        I realized that my “Simon” was not willing to commit to exclusivity (heartbreaking) but I later realized that he still loved me. I had several emails from him even this week. We are always going to have a connection. Only I think that for me…his”polygamy” would be too much. I am secure in knowing that Ben has a different view of what being in a relationship involves.

        1. I don’t need a big declaration of love, but I just want to know what I am to him. It’s confusing not knowing how to describe him. Are we friends with benefits or are we a couple? He says we are dating, but does that mean I am his girlfriend? I’d feeling uncomfortable putting him on the spot and asking, “So am I your girlfriend or what?” If neither of us are dating other people and it’s been this way for the past seven months, does that it a serious relationship? It’s all a bit confusing.

          1. It can be very confusing. “Simon” never called me his girlfriend. He only ever introduced me to anyone as his friend. Yet we were sleeping together, going out for dinner together. kissing in public and playing with each others hands across the table…and getting up to all sorts of frisky things elsewhere.

            He told me all sorts about his life, family. finances, heart aches….the more he opened his heart to me, the more I sensed I was becoming essential to him. But he did not like to talk about his feelings for me, and never wished to define our relationship.

            Whereas I told everyone he was this gorgeous guy who I could not get enough of. I think I told people he was my boyfriend. He seemed ok with that. No matter what he wanted to call me…he seemed to understand that I needed to call him something to my friends.

            So I was his “friend” and he was my “boyfriend”….and we had deep conversations and hot sex for all the time we were living nearby-ish.

            Personally I think it is because he got stung so badly when he was married. He does not like “rabbit-traps”. So he was wary of being tied down to something. He valued his freedom a lot.

            1. I think lover is similar. His marriage was bad. His ex wanted a lot of things that he didn’t want and I think he resents her for that. Her wants essentially put him in a bad position so I think he’s a bit shocked that I want him as much as I do even when he’s seemingly in a messy place.

  3. Sometimes you don’t have to know the exact moment, but only know that the feelings are there to stay. I can feel the love you have for your lover in your words 🙂
    ~ Marie

    1. I hope to grow old with him as I don’t know what I’d do without him.

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