Personal Growth Matters, Quote Quest

I Run Away

“Wherever you go, there you are! You can’t run away from yourself, or the underlying situation, no matter where you go. You won’t find happiness anywhere, unless it’s already there in your heart, and therefore you have carried it with you.” – Andrew James Pritchard

I am the kind of person who likes to run away from my problems. This was a normal solution to all of life’s crises and it left a mountain of problems to face all at once.

RUN AWAY FROM FEELINGS

Physical pain is easy and it’s not necessarily something that I’ll run away from. But, when it comes to emotional pain, I just want to flee because it’s too much. For so long, I turned off my feelings and allowed myself to become emotionally numb.

The pain of loss, the pain of failure, the pain of heartbreak all seemed to hit me at once and it was overwhelming so in my haste, I ran away from my problems. In desperation to keep out the bad feelings, I also shut out the good ones. I didn’t face the emotional pain nor did I learn to cope with it.

But this is a terrible solution because life without sadness means you’ll never understand the fullness of happiness. And a life without even happiness is a depressing one. Choosing to run away from all feelings led to anxiety and paranoia. The emotions we experience are temporary so dealing with them is the lesser demon. For this reason, I let myself cry and sulk in bed the other week when I thought Sir was leaving me. I felt the heartbreak, which was only temporary because as of this moment, I am still his.

RUN AWAY FROM FEAR

I tend to run away from my fear of abandonment. Maybe, I’m doing so right now. The fact that I’m still Sir’s submissive makes me feel better, but perhaps, I’ve been living in a fantasy world that he will never leave.

Belonging to Sir makes me happy, but it seems as though our relationship is becoming one-sided. I’m always excited to tell him about good things that happened and I look to him when I need someone to confide it. But, I’m lucky if I get one text a day from him.

Running away from my fear is believing everything would go back to normal after our almost breakup. Reality is that our relationship changed and I can’t keep running from the fact that it may not last forever. Yes, the day that it happens will really hurt, but that just brings us back to running away from feelings.

If I keep running from this fear then if it does actually happen, I will truly break.

Yours Truly,
The Sassy Sub Daily

Quote Quest - Run Away
Personal Growth Matters - Run Away

sass c.

i'm just your average girl with a dirty mind. young, asian and submissive...does that pique your interest? constantly in a battle with myself whether to stay confined by my cultural values or to break free like the freak i am.

Instagram: @thesassysubdaily
Twitter: @sassysubdaily

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7 Comments

  1. I love this quote from that song….”I’d rather hurt then feeling nothing at all!”…I can’t think of the name but, that verse touched me on every level.❤️

    1. And the hurt gets worse the more you love someone. Like I know if lover isn’t my forever, then it will hurt a lot…maybe even more than if I were to lose Sir.

  2. Oh Sass – I do hope you work thru what is going on with sir – and lover – u still have the enjoyment of him?
    May x

    1. I hope so too. Things with lover are complicated. I still don’t know what we are. Seven months together and I have no clue if I’m his girlfriend. Exclusively dating this whole time and I still don’t know. I love him, but I wish I knew what we are and where we’re going.

  3. I tend to put my head in the sand too because of fears, and need my own time to come to work through them or come to terms with them. I admire people who can face their fears head on.
    ~ Marie

    1. I wish I could face my fears head on as well. I’m trying to work on them. Another fear now, is telling lover how I feel about him. I think it also has to do with the fear of abandonment. I want to tell him that I love him, but I wish he’d say those words first so I know he won’t abandon me if I say them and he doesn’t feel the same way. I think I let the what if’s stop me from doing a lot.

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