“If your weakness is love then you are extremely strong.” – Efrat Cybulkiewicz
I couldn’t let him go so I begged in desperation. There is no other whom I need more than him. Our dynamic will change because I need him and cannot let go. Perhaps, my weakness is love or perhaps, it’s not being able to let go.
Is being alone a strength or a weakness? Maybe, it’s a bit of both. For so long, I would pride myself on the ability of being alone. I didn’t need anyone because I could protect myself. Why would I need anyone else when I could stand on my own two feet? I was a prideful person which is a weakness in and of itself. But this came from a place of hurt and place of denial. At the time, it seemed like a strength and maybe it was.
For so many, being alone is their greatest fear so they jump from one relationship to the next. I guess I was like this once upon a time. Jumping from one guy to the next because each one didn’t workout. Then one day, I ended up with someone who hurt me in more ways than one and being alone seemed like paradise.
So I was alone and it became a strength. I no longer needed to depend on anyone else, but myself. But, this strength led to the weakness of being closed off and rather numb. When I finally opened up again, it was with Sir and once I got a taste of life with an honest and caring man, the fear of being alone became a weakness.
So I can’t let go.
IS VULNERABILITY A STRENGTH OR WEAKNESS?
The opposite of being closed off is being vulnerable. Some say that vulnerability is a strength, but others say it’s a strength to be a bit guarded. So which is the correct way of thinking? Is being closed off my strength or my weakness?
For a while, I saw vulnerability as a weakness. I would get too attached and it led to getting hurt over and over again. It was my weakness, but then I decided I didn’t want to feel that kind of pain anymore so I pushed people away.
I was closed off and built a wall around my heart as a way to protect myself. But being closed off means that there are no flourishing relationships and it was fine for a while. Then I met Sir and things changed. I needed to trust him so I began to see vulnerability as a strength.
He broke down my walls and I let him into my heart. The vulnerability was raw; it was real and it made me become more emotionally attached to Sir. But with that kind of vulnerability, there’s a risk of getting hurt. There’s a risk that they will leave.
So in an attempt to keep him in my life, I became vulnerable once more and told him just how much I needed him. I could live without play. 24/7 communication wasn’t needed either. The only thing I need is Sir in my life, however that may look.
So, I didn’t let him go.
WHEN LOVE IS MY WEAKNESS
They say that love causes people to do crazy things. And maybe that is true.
Before Sir, pictures with face, full body photos, and videos were hard limits. I wanted to protect my identity so even giving out personal information was a limit. But Sir broke down my walls and I let him in. My heart was opened to him and in that I think is when a love for him began. Maybe it’s not romantic, but there’s is definitely a part of me that does love him. Out of a place of love, trust grows and I did away with my limits.
Dangerous? Yes, but Sir didn’t manipulate me in anyway. He was there for me; he was willing to enter my darkness so I willingly let him in.
I think in that act, love was both a strength and a weakness. A strength to let him in though it was hard, but a weakness because out of that love, I did things I wouldn’t do normally.
Love as a strength is not letting go when things get difficult, but love as weakness is not letting go even though you should.
So, I won’t let go.
Does that make love my strength or my weakness?
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