“Take this Lockdown phase as a Silver Lining to concentrate on your self happiness.” – Somya Kedia
As much as I wish this lockdown helped with my self happiness, it hasn’t.
LOSING BATTLE IN LOCKDOWN
I’ve always had to work extra hard in terms of eating and training. If I go two weeks without a workout, it’s noticeable. Many people say that you don’t lost your gains or gain that much weight in that short of time. But it seems as though I can just look at a piece of chocolate and gain ten pounds.
With training facilities being closed, I haven’t really trained since February. And with the boredom of being in lockdown, I’ve been munching on junk even more. When I met lover in January, I could get away with wearing a sports bra out of the house without a shirt over it. Now, the belly has grown and there’s no way I’d walk out of the house without something covering it.
LOVE AND THE LOCKDOWN
I don’t feel sexy when I show Sir my body now and I also get a bit nervous when lover and I are intimate. My confidence has dropped quite a bit as my body is no longer something that I am proud of. The thought of them suddenly lose interest in me because my body shape has changed is scary.
Lover hasn’t said anything and he still gets hard upon seeing me so I guess maybe these things are all in my head. But Sir hasn’t called me sexy in a few months so I sometimes wonder if he’s lost interest in me.
I also don’t know if this weight gain is what is causing my cycle to be off or if I’m pregnant. If I am pregnant, it’s definitely lover’s so I guess stress about trying to figure that out is taken care of. But having a baby out of wedlock, that might get me disowned and having an abortion would leave me gutted. I guess I’ll have to face my fear and take the damn test then figure out how to deal with the consequences later.
With both Sir and lover, you’d think I wouldn’t be so lonely, but I don’t see lover that often. I don’t get to see him every week and Sir…well, I never get to see Sir.
At least lover and I video chat when we can’t be together. I’m often naked for him when we video chat and I’ll masturbate for him. It gets him off, but it’s not the same as feeling the warmth of his body on mine and having him wrap his arms around me after to cuddle. I need that physical contact.
With the lockdown, I haven’t seen my friends in months. I’m stuck in a prison and I can’t have my friends bail me out anymore. I miss being about to just leave the house and grab a bite to eat with a friend.
I think life in lockdown has been rather difficult. While I do like not having to see any coworkers, I do need my people.
The Sassy Sub Daily
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