Personal Growth Matters

Lockdown – Life, Love, and Loneliness

“Take this Lockdown phase as a Silver Lining to concentrate on your self happiness.” – Somya Kedia

As much as I wish this lockdown helped with my self happiness, it hasn’t.

LOSING BATTLE IN LOCKDOWN

I’ve always had to work extra hard in terms of eating and training. If I go two weeks without a workout, it’s noticeable. Many people say that you don’t lost your gains or gain that much weight in that short of time. But it seems as though I can just look at a piece of chocolate and gain ten pounds.

With training facilities being closed, I haven’t really trained since February. And with the boredom of being in lockdown, I’ve been munching on junk even more. When I met lover in January, I could get away with wearing a sports bra out of the house without a shirt over it. Now, the belly has grown and there’s no way I’d walk out of the house without something covering it.

LOVE AND THE LOCKDOWN

I don’t feel sexy when I show Sir my body now and I also get a bit nervous when lover and I are intimate. My confidence has dropped quite a bit as my body is no longer something that I am proud of. The thought of them suddenly lose interest in me because my body shape has changed is scary.

Lover hasn’t said anything and he still gets hard upon seeing me so I guess maybe these things are all in my head. But Sir hasn’t called me sexy in a few months so I sometimes wonder if he’s lost interest in me.

I also don’t know if this weight gain is what is causing my cycle to be off or if I’m pregnant. If I am pregnant, it’s definitely lover’s so I guess stress about trying to figure that out is taken care of. But having a baby out of wedlock, that might get me disowned and having an abortion would leave me gutted. I guess I’ll have to face my fear and take the damn test then figure out how to deal with the consequences later.

BATTLING LONELINESS

With both Sir and lover, you’d think I wouldn’t be so lonely, but I don’t see lover that often. I don’t get to see him every week and Sir…well, I never get to see Sir.

At least lover and I video chat when we can’t be together. I’m often naked for him when we video chat and I’ll masturbate for him. It gets him off, but it’s not the same as feeling the warmth of his body on mine and having him wrap his arms around me after to cuddle. I need that physical contact.

With the lockdown, I haven’t seen my friends in months. I’m stuck in a prison and I can’t have my friends bail me out anymore. I miss being about to just leave the house and grab a bite to eat with a friend.

I think life in lockdown has been rather difficult. While I do like not having to see any coworkers, I do need my people.

Yours Truly,
The Sassy Sub Daily

Image from Unsplash

Personal Growth Matters - Lockdown

sass c.

i'm just your average girl with a dirty mind. young, asian and submissive...does that pique your interest? constantly in a battle with myself whether to stay confined by my cultural values or to break free like the freak i am.

Instagram: @thesassysubdaily
Twitter: @sassysubdaily

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6 Comments

  1. I understand how u feel – i put on some weight – my man seems to carry on and not notice and also he never seems to put any on even thou he eats the same as me!
    Lockdown was very hard for me too – glad we are thru the other side – for now.
    Take a look at Mrs Fevers post – it is on my link for this meme – thanks for linking Sass C
    May x

    1. Lockdown isn’t quite over here. Cases are on the rise and government once again closed down several businesses and may soon put another stay at home mandate in place.

      1. I don’t think for one moment they will let it end yet x

  2. It’s such chaotic times! Don’t let that chaos effect your sexual outlets. Even if you have gained a few pounds it’s perfectly normal and maybe he hasn’t called you sexy in some time because you don’t feel sexy and that vibe is strong. Hang in there, you tube has some amazing toning videos🙏🏼 if it’s pregnancy, I pray whatever choice you make brings you peace

  3. Obviously, if pregnancy is a risk/possibility, it’s one that needs to be addressed. If the test is positive, there’s your answer. If it’s negative, and the weight is just weight… Well, you’re not alone. 😉 My ‘personal growth’ over the past few months has equated to a growing waist line. So right now, my personal growth plan is to NOT grow, ifyaknowwhatimean. 😛

    1. The test was negative. But I think the additional weight has impacted my cycle. It made me very late and caused me to panic.

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