“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” ~ Sylvia Plath
For the most part, I’ve categorized myself as a sex blogger. But I guess it’s a bit broader than that. I write about dating and past relationships and I mostly write about my relationship with Sir. It’s not all sex. Trust me, I have sex less than once a week.
But I am a creative being. I am indeed an artist…an artist of words, that is. And like most artists, I struggle with self-doubt, especially in light of recent events.
SELF-DOUBT AND WRITING
When I first started this blog, it was mainly a way to process things for myself and a way to share my more wordy thoughts with Sir. I never really expected a lot of followers. As of this past Tuesday, this blog is six months old and surprisingly, I’ve been blogging daily.
When I started to build a following, it was no longer just about writing. It became about the marketing and learning SEO and different formatting of the website. Sometimes, I feel as though my writing suffered when the focus shifted to branding.
Self-doubt causes me worry about my words. Is what I say good enough? I’m not an expert so will people actually get something out of this? Am I steering people in the wrong direction? And I think the worst concern is if my opinions are offensive to others.
Even my distaste for certain foods seem to offend others. Maybe not so much in the sex blogging community, but in my vanilla life, I get a lot of nasty comments about some of my food choices. I find there’s a similar discourse about sex, kink, and identity within the blogging community and it enforces my self-doubt.
It seems as though, I am not as honest with my feelings as I once was. By that, I don’t mean that I am lying on my blog, but I’m feel as though, I am holding back a lot more.
I also feel as though, I hide behind dark blankets because I have insecurities about my body. Insecurities and self-doubt pretty much fall into the same category.
So in my blog, you don’t get to see the “real” me, the raw and unfiltered me. I doubt my abilities to maintain relationships as I feel as though no matter what I write, what I create will upset some people. In that, I tend not to share my unpopular opinions because it will anger people.
An opinion cannot be verified or denied; they are your truth. But recently, I’ve seen so many who tell others that their opinions are the wrong ones. Who are we to tell others how to think? We shouldn’t completely change someone into something they’re not just because you feel your opinion is right and their’s is wrong. By doing so, you are a conduit of someone else’s self doubt because they may very begin to doubt in the validity of their own thoughts and identity.
With all this being said, I’m going to work on posting whatever I want to post without doubting myself or my opinions. I think some of my best writing comes from being able to just speak my mind without worrying about if I’m going to rub someone the wrong way.
I don’t want to doubt my writing anymore. While many times, I do research so that my writing contains factual knowledge, I also want to be true to my beliefs and the way I interpret this research.
The Sassy Sub Daily
Image from Unsplash