“Right on the edge of fear was where trust could grow.” ― Cherise Sinclair
I’ve been reflecting on LittleSwitchBitch’s current Quote Quest prompt. What comes to mind is how much I’ve grown with Sir in the last six months.
FEAR OF BEING VULNERABLE
What is fear? Fear is an emotion. Dasmesh Kaur, J.S. and Raihanah, M.M. take a better look at fear in Mirroring Vulnerability: Fear and Shame in The Judge. They defined fear as an emotion “that pushes an individual into a cocoon of darkness, making him/her appear psychologically and emotionally weak and alone.”
When you have a past full of physical and emotional trauma, it becomes a bit difficult to be vulnerable with others. I’ve always been a bit guarded, but after my ex, I pushed people away even more so. Being vulnerable meant giving someone the power to hurt me.
I feared that sort of pain so I had a fear of being vulnerable with others. This fear is a basically a subcategory of the fear of abandonment which I bring up quite a bit.
The fear of being vulnerable leads to behaviors in which we believe are protecting ourselves, such as building walls or pushing others away. However, this only alienated us even more so and can actually be hurtful to others.
These habits can lead us toward more self-isolation and feelings of loneliness. By pushing others a way, they may also feel rejected. When they open up to us and we cannot reciprocate, they can get frustrated or even feel hurt that we do not trust them.
TRUSTING OTHERS AND ENDING FEAR
Trusting others is a risk, but sometimes it can lead to amazing friendships and relationships. Having someone to confide in can lessen the burden on us and also provide us with someone to celebrate with.
With Sir, trusting him was risky. He lives in another country and a D/s relationship may require more trust than a normal relationship. But our relationship has been based on honesty and it allowed for trust to grow. Sir broke down my walls and I became vulnerable with him so now I’m emotionally attached.
Now, being nearly seven months in, the fear of being vulnerable with him has subsided. Yes, I do fear abandonment still and when I think of the possibility of Sir ever leaving me, I do get a bit anxious. But, I trust him wholeheartedly and I know when I confide in him or when we play, he won’t harm me.
HOW TO TRUST OTHERS
For me, Sir helped me tap into my dark side and helped me process through those dark feelings. I think it’s important to recognize that there’s a bit of darkness that lives in each of us. For some, it may sit at the surface and for others, it’s buried a bit deeper. We need to recognize that running from this dark side isn’t going to solve anything, but it can in fact help us to grow.
Sir also helped me see that being me was enough. He didn’t want me to conform to someone that I really wasn’t. When we can be completely ourselves without fearing judgment, it will help us open up. Pretending to be something else puts unnecessary pressure on ourselves.
We also need to recognize our worth. We do matter and our lives directly and directly impact others. So, we can either push others away or embrace others. Either decision may just impact another person’s life.
The Sassy Sub Daily