4 Thoughts or Fiction

Confidence In The Bedroom

“Confidence is a very fragile thing.” – Joe Montana

The first thing I thought of when I saw that the 4 Thought or Fiction’s prompt was ‘Confidence’, was Demi Lovato’s song ‘Confident’. Now, it’s not exactly the direction I’m headed in with this post, but perhaps, it’ll spark some inspiration for you.


I had some very horrible sexual encounters so if I’m not too sexually confident, who could really blame me. I lost my virginity on a Tinder date with a guy from Australia. He was closer to my age and the sex wasn’t the greatest. There was no romance involved; it was straight fucking just to fuck.

I also slept with a guy who was younger than me. He was a model and really arrogant. It seemed like he possessed confidence, but maybe a bit too much as he was a bit egotistical. The sex was no good and he was a liar.

How about fucking the old married man? He chased me for a very long time. I stood firm and was rather confident, until he broke me down and I let him fuck me. After the couple of hours, he left and wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

I never got off with any of these guys and each left me a bit scarred. Most of the time, I possess a, “I don’t give a fuck” attitude, but these scars build up and eventually catch up to you.


Following my one off with Tony, one of my friends asked how to get back into the saddle. She was afraid of not knowing how to have sex anymore because she went even longer without sex than I had. I wasn’t quite sure how to answer this at the time because I didn’t have much sexual confidence so I told her that even if she didn’t know what to do, she could lie there and let him jackhammer her.

She laughed and figured that it was easier for a girl than a guy, if they didn’t know what to do. I walked in with my head held high, but Tony basically told me what he wanted. I didn’t have to decide and I didn’t really need to know what to do. This was great for someone with no sexual confidence. Perhaps, that’s why I’m sexually submissive.


When I became Sir’s submissive, I still lacked sexual confidence. Sir told me, “A real Dom helps you build up your self confidence, helps you be who you need to be, encourages you to build a network of friends and people you can discover yourself with.” This is exactly what Sir did.

I didn’t have much awareness of my own body which contributed to the lack of confidence. Sir helped me figure out what brings me pleasure. There was also an uncertainty about my own desires which Sir also helped me tap into. Being more aware of these things, helps build confidence in my sexuality.

Culturally, sexual confidence is not the norm. Japanese porn might be a very big thing, but in reality many of us, Asians, lack sexual confidence due to guilt that our culture associates with the taboo act. Another reason for a lack of sexual confidence is religious views and morals that we are brought up with. These views also teach guilt in association with sex.

Both of these are barriers that need to be overcome to help gain sexual confidence. I would not have been able to overcome these barriers on my own. It was through the guidance of Sir that I was able to do so.

Now, I may not be strutting my stuff when I walk out the door, but I certainly am more confident in my sexuality. I have more confidence in the bedroom and am aware of lover’s desires. This just helps me understand how to please him a bit better.

Yours Truly,
The Sassy Sub Daily

Image: my backside

4 Thoughts or Fiction - Confidence
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sass c.

i'm just your average girl with a dirty mind. young, asian and submissive...does that pique your interest? constantly in a battle with myself whether to stay confined by my cultural values or to break free like the freak i am.

Instagram: @thesassysubdaily
Twitter: @sassysubdaily

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  1. Submission helped me find confidence, as well. Guidance and acceptance from another, and the expectation that I see in myself what he saw…worth.

    The cultural implications of low confidence is an interesting concept. I think it also may be a bit gender-related. I think men are expected to be sexually confident, which is a lot of pressure. And women are expected to be submissive in most cultures.

    1. Maybe many are just not very sexually confident. Men may be expected to be sexually confident, but I wonder how many of them really are and how many of them put on the bad boy or tough guy act to personify someone who is more confident. It’d be an interesting study…maybe I can hint at it in an email to one of the supposed sex experts haha.

  2. I love the honesty in your work – i think being confident in your sexuality is a huge thing – a big positive for your self esteem
    May x

    1. Thank you. I had once asked Sir if I was too sexual because sometimes, it felt as my sex drive or sexual desire was too high. He said that it was normal and that many women are more likely to hide how sexual they really are to avoid being labeled as a slut. It made me feel better knowing that he didn’t see me as an overly horny girl haha.

      1. One of the reasons i started my blog was cause i talked and thought about sex loads – so it seemed the logical thing to write about 😉

  3. I love the way your Sir thinks, that he helps you with your confidence. I also get the lack of sexual confidence due to religious reasons. It took me a long time to break free from those, to not feel guilty anymore about my sexuality. Nice post 🙂
    ~ Marie

    1. Sir is very wise. I’m thankful for all the things he does for me and all the advice he has to give. Still being under the influence of my family’s values and decisions sometimes creates a bit of difficultly when it comes to confidence and religious pressures. Hopefully, they never find this blog and figure out that it’s me haha.

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