“Confidence is a very fragile thing.” – Joe Montana
The first thing I thought of when I saw that the 4 Thought or Fiction’s prompt was ‘Confidence’, was Demi Lovato’s song ‘Confident’. Now, it’s not exactly the direction I’m headed in with this post, but perhaps, it’ll spark some inspiration for you.
PAST SEXUAL EXPERIENCES
I had some very horrible sexual encounters so if I’m not too sexually confident, who could really blame me. I lost my virginity on a Tinder date with a guy from Australia. He was closer to my age and the sex wasn’t the greatest. There was no romance involved; it was straight fucking just to fuck.
I also slept with a guy who was younger than me. He was a model and really arrogant. It seemed like he possessed confidence, but maybe a bit too much as he was a bit egotistical. The sex was no good and he was a liar.
How about fucking the old married man? He chased me for a very long time. I stood firm and was rather confident, until he broke me down and I let him fuck me. After the couple of hours, he left and wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
I never got off with any of these guys and each left me a bit scarred. Most of the time, I possess a, “I don’t give a fuck” attitude, but these scars build up and eventually catch up to you.
FAKING SEXUAL CONFIDENCE
Following my one off with Tony, one of my friends asked how to get back into the saddle. She was afraid of not knowing how to have sex anymore because she went even longer without sex than I had. I wasn’t quite sure how to answer this at the time because I didn’t have much sexual confidence so I told her that even if she didn’t know what to do, she could lie there and let him jackhammer her.
She laughed and figured that it was easier for a girl than a guy, if they didn’t know what to do. I walked in with my head held high, but Tony basically told me what he wanted. I didn’t have to decide and I didn’t really need to know what to do. This was great for someone with no sexual confidence. Perhaps, that’s why I’m sexually submissive.
FINDING CONFIDENCE IN MY SUBMISSION
When I became Sir’s submissive, I still lacked sexual confidence. Sir told me, “A real Dom helps you build up your self confidence, helps you be who you need to be, encourages you to build a network of friends and people you can discover yourself with.” This is exactly what Sir did.
I didn’t have much awareness of my own body which contributed to the lack of confidence. Sir helped me figure out what brings me pleasure. There was also an uncertainty about my own desires which Sir also helped me tap into. Being more aware of these things, helps build confidence in my sexuality.
Culturally, sexual confidence is not the norm. Japanese porn might be a very big thing, but in reality many of us, Asians, lack sexual confidence due to guilt that our culture associates with the taboo act. Another reason for a lack of sexual confidence is religious views and morals that we are brought up with. These views also teach guilt in association with sex.
Both of these are barriers that need to be overcome to help gain sexual confidence. I would not have been able to overcome these barriers on my own. It was through the guidance of Sir that I was able to do so.
Now, I may not be strutting my stuff when I walk out the door, but I certainly am more confident in my sexuality. I have more confidence in the bedroom and am aware of lover’s desires. This just helps me understand how to please him a bit better.
The Sassy Sub Daily
Image: my backside