I’m the kind of girl who always felt ugly. I look back at photos from my past and I’m like, “Wow! I actually looked pretty good back then. What happened to me now?” However, at the time in which the photos were taken, I felt fat or ugly. I’ve always had issues with my body. My body is one of my insecurities.
Sir has seen this insecurity. It was one of the first things he saw actually. Yet he made me feel sexy so I started sending him more nudes.
I feel as though the nudes I take are a bit amateur and trashy. I have a really expensive camera, yet I take my photos with my phone. The quality just cannot compare.
When I take nudes with my phone, there is no process at all. I simply strip and click. Okay, maybe it’s not that simple. Even in selfie mode, I twist and turn my body in a way to make me look more flattering. The ugly yellow light in my room impacts the hues of the photo so I’m constantly bending, folding, twisting my arm trying to get better lighting and trying to eliminate the shadow across my face.
I take several. Then I pick the one that doesn’t make me look like a glob and send it to Sir. I don’t edit any photos I send to Sir. He sees the raw version. The unfiltered, unedited version of me because I’m comfortable enough with him to allow myself to be more vulnerable.
But I told Sir that I wanted to be able to take more of a variety for him rather than my signature pose…lying in bed with a blanket covering my stomach.
BUT I’M MORE CREATIVE
I cannot draw…actually I can doodle half naked men, but that’s about it. But I have different visions in my mind. Sometimes those images translate into poems and sometimes, they just get lost because I’m not sure what to do with them.
I took nudes with a guitar one day. I had an image in my head, but they didn’t turn out the way I had imagined. I ended up editing them to change the background and it looked a bit more decent…still wasn’t all that satisfied.
I’m better at hiding behind the camera than posing in front of one. I know what I want to capture and if I can’t see it through the lens, I can tell someone how to tilt their head or swing their hip. If I’m the one in front of the camera…I don’t get that same direction and I never know how to pose haha.
For Christmas, I had a this vision of what I wanted to create for Sir. It did not come out the way I wanted at all. I had tried to look like a naked present. I had this silky tie that I used to attempt to bind my hands behind my back. I set the camera on timer and got into position…I check the photo and I cringed.
This weekend, I pulled out my fancy camera. I was trying to create an instant black backdrop by changing the shutter speed to the maximum in which it’d still be able to sync with the flash. I also changed the ISO to 200 and the aperture to 5.6. I found that, I was still seeing everything in the photo because the flash is attached to the camera. I adjusted the setting and removed the flash and everything was completely black and I couldn’t even get myself to show up in the photo.
This technique really needs a reflective umbrella and an external flash to sync with the camera. I’m not sure if my camera has the ability to sync with an external flash. As I even tried with an external flash and it only went off if I attached it to the top of the camera. I couldn’t get it to work using the studio feature.
So I settled with trying to take a nude selfie, but holding a camera is more awkward than holding a phone. It restricted my ability to bend and twist my body to make it look flattering.
So I finally settled with using my phone and lying on my bed like I normally do. This time, I added one of the only pieces of lingerie that I own. I did use an app to edit the photo, but not in the way you may think. I used an app to remove any identifying markings.
I sent the photo to Sir. While Sir has seen my room and all my identifying features, the kink world has not. Sir said it was a nice photo and if I removed the metadata, I could post it online. I wondered if I really should, but Sir said he didn’t see a problem as no one would be able to identify me and as an exhibitionist, I’d probably enjoy the reaction I’d get from it.
So the image I use today is one that I took myself and is of me. It doesn’t look as trashy as the nudes I normally send to Sir. It hides a lot, but also gives you a little peak. For the first time ever, you get to see more than a small patch of skin. And no matter what reaction it gets, I’m happy that Sir liked it.
The Sassy Sub Daily