I used to write a poem a day when my blog first started. Sir would usually read my poem before I posted it. He knows that I’m a bit of a perfectionist and tend to beat myself up a bit when I catch an error after it’s already been posted. So Sir would edit it if needed much like he did for a couple of blog posts and a couple of chapters of the story I had been writing.
ALL SASSED OUT
At my sassiest, writing seems to come naturally, but lately, I’ve been feeling a bit burnt out. While most of the world paused during the pandemic, my life went on. I had to still commute to work while many worked from home. Sir and lover seemed to be a lot busier.
I am a rule follower so the fact that many people gathered illegally or ignored social distancing rules irritated me. When people tried to come into contact with me, I disinfected myself right away.
With the protests going on around the world, it showed that maybe I have less friends than I thought. I couldn’t understand why people would post a black square on social media only to say hateful things about people when they were offline. It was contradictory and rather fake. I also didn’t understand why some people would go to protests just to take selfies of themselves for Instagram. It just brought to light how superficial my friend list was. I lost a lot of friends because being real is not a popular choice. But I’d rather stand alone and do what is right.
Sir is not really a Daddy Dom, but when I am in need of comfort and affection, I call him Daddy. I cuddle with a blanket or pillow and think of him. I pretend that he’s with me and holding me close to him. Sir says that he thinks the anxiety around the current situation has made me yearn for closeness and protection.
I think he’s right. Sir always seems to calm me down and when we don’t get to talk, I seem to get more stressed out. He knows what I need to hear and how to make me feel better. It’s not even sexual in those moments. It’s simply him responding to my emotional needs.
In the beginning, Sir had encouraged me to write how I was feeling. With all the stress, I’ve written things over and over expressing my stress, anxiety, and anger, but it sits in my drafts until I delete it.
Though no one will ever read it, it calms me down. There are a lot of times, I just lie on the couch or in bed writing and writing and writing. Sometimes, it’s about sexual mishaps and other times, it was just a cluster of all my emotions.
As ironic as it sounds, I’m most relaxed while having sex. Maybe I use sex as a distraction. Yeah, I probably do. In those moments, it’s just lover and me. The problems are left at the door.
I feel safest when I have that skin to skin contact. It’s as if I equate the intimacy with lover as a commitment. It’s probably not, but being fluid bonded just makes it seem like it’ll be long term. Having stability makes things less stressful.
The Sassy Sub Daily