Do you ever just ache to be with someone that when you’re not able to see or talk to them you just feel lonely?
I’ve been feeling a bit lonely lately. Maybe it’s because it’s that time of the month again. I know go to dark places sometimes. Maybe it’s because the lover canceled on me. Maybe it’s because I didn’t get to talk to Sir much yesterday.
It could just be this damn quarantine. The only interaction I get is with my family and the occasional client at work, but I’m misunderstood in my family. I often feel like the black sheep. I’m not the innocent vanilla virgin girl that the girls in my family are pretty much expected to be. I hide who I really am from my family and from many of my friends. If you could even call them friends.
I used to have a lot of “friends”, but even with them I felt lonely. I was never really one of them. I was always different. I didn’t fit in. Now, I think I have maybe four real friends who I know won’t judge. Well one of them will judge me in her head, but she’s also naive and inexperienced. Then I have my Dom and my lover, but that’s about all I have in terms of people I feel like I can trust.
My Dom and my lover are the only ones I talk to everyday. With what I’m feeling, I don’t even know who to talk to. I don’t feel like talking to my lover about it because I’m afraid of scaring him away. If I scare him away, then I’ll lose one more person in my already very small circle of people. My friends have got their set things that they’re dealing with right now so I don’t want to bother them. And Sir is on the other side of globe.
I wish Sir was here to just hold me. This is such a painful thing to write. As I write, I’m in tears because I just feel so alone. By the time this gets posted, my Dom will be awake again, but right now he’s asleep.
I feel like I bother my Dom and my lover. Do I annoy them? Maybe I’m too needy. Maybe I’m too attached.
I guess being with an abusive ex triggered this. I pushed people away, but when I love someone, I just want to feel loved back.
The Sassy Sub Daily