I had a dream or maybe it was more of a nightmare. There was a party at my house and my Dom was here. (I have yet to see my Dom in person, but I hope it will happen someday). I was pretty much clinging to his side. When it comes to my Dom, I am rather needy.
Suddenly, he disappeared. I was distraught and looked everywhere for him. He wasn’t in any of the rooms and he wasn’t in the backyard. I walked out the front door and his car was parked on the street so he had to still be here.
I continued to look for him, but then got stung by a wasp. Where was Sir? He was just here and now he’s gone. There was a shed out back so I tried to get to it. I couldn’t look in the shed to see if he was there because there were so many bees and wasps surrounding it.
Then I woke up.
I told Sir about my dream and he said it was a really weird dream.
Maybe it’s my subconscious telling me that life without him would be painful. Maybe it’s symbolizing the great lengths I would go through to stay his submissive forever.
The song that kept playing in my head after was Tori Kelly’s First Heartbreak. There’s a line in the chorus that goes, “If you ever left me, that would be my first heartbreak.” I know my relationship with my Dom is not the same type of relationship that Tori Kelly was writing about, but I think it still applies. He’s the one I’m most vulnerable with so I’m pretty attached. To lose a connection like that would be devastating…I think it would hurt more than when I broke up with my ex.
But I guess, I should try what Tori Kelly writes in the second verse:
Maybe I shouldn’t be thinkin’ so far ahead
Better just enjoy this moment
And be happy for what I get
But you know it’s not that easy
To get out of my head
So I guess that it’s a good thing
When you want something so bad
I should enjoy what I have with my Dom. But I know that it’s also hard not to think of the future. Sometimes, I do worry that one day he won’t want me anymore. I hope that never happens.
The Sassy Sub Daily