“The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted.”
Well, I didn’t have to take that dreaded little test. It seems as I was delayed, but it’s better to be late than completely missed.
Emotionally, I’ve been a wreck for most of the week. I struggled with feelings of being unwanted or undesirable. Those feelings even made it into my fantasy piece for the week. I think it’s partially due to my hormones being all over the place. My hormones are always out of whack, but this time I seemed to be more emotional than I normally am.
The WMAF blog made me feel emotionally exhausted. It uncovered a lot of the hurt that I’ve been through over the years. I actually cried in bed because it hurt so much. I didn’t even cry like that when I broke up with my ex.
I told my Dom how emotionally taxing it was. He gave me a pep talk. I had told him how it brought to light my abandonment issues even more so than I would have liked. He told me that it was so much as the men in my past abandoning me, but more so deceiving me and leading me to believe it was something it wasn’t. My Dom told me that those men were narcissistic sociopaths.
It appears that all I attract is that type. My Dom believes that it’s because I’m a submissive and I also look in all the wrong places.
I realized just how great my need for my Dom is this past week. It’s quite strange to need someone like this. I’ve always pretty much gone through things alone. I’ve always fought my demons alone. I’ve never been needy when it comes to men, possibly because I knew that the only person I could rely on was me.
Maybe the fact that I trust my Dom to the extent that I do has changed things for me. I’m rather needy when it comes to him. I’m rather attached. I began to spiral as thoughts went through my head. “What if he gets bored of me? What happens if he doesn’t want me anymore? What do I do if he ever wants to end things?” I hope that never happens. I need him and I can’t imagine having any other Dom. He’s an integral part of my life.
In my dark place, in feelings of being unwanted, I stumbled upon a song called Angels by Within Temptation. It felt like a song about all the guys in my past, especially my ex. They all deceived me.
My Dom is different than the guys in my past. He’s honest with me and he doesn’t try to deceive me.
The Sassy Sub Daily