For starters, I must say this. I don’t hate Asian men. I don’t hate black men. I don’t hate Hispanic men. However, I do prefer white men.
Over the past couple of days, I’ve read through a few blogs by Asian women who love white men and believe white men are superior to other men. It’s what spurred this blog entry.
According to Urban Dictionary, WMAF means, “A cringeworthy coupling between an Asian girl and a white guy in which they spend more time denigrating Asian men to justify their relationship than actually being happy together.” When people use this acronym, they typically assume that the Asian girl is insecure about being Asian and is desperate to be white. They also may assume it’s a white male fetishizing Asian women.
I think this may be the case for some, but definitely not all. In my case, wanting to be white has nothing to do with it. I am proud of being Asian. We look younger for far longer, so why wouldn’t I want to be Asian? But, I get it. My grandma always wanted to be white, but she also hates white people. I think her problem with white people is due to being placed in an internment camp during WW2. It was the white American people that turned their backs on her…a fellow American. I feel like many Japanese American women of her generation feel the same way. The men may not talk about their experiences in camp much, but I can tell their resentment does not run that deep.
For my grandmother, I believe her childhood was more difficult. She was still a kid during the war and it would have made life easier if she had been white. I think the war both made her desperate to be white and hate white people at the same time. Some of her siblings married Caucasians and to this day, she still complains about that.
My mother, on the other hand, grew up in a fairly Caucasian community, yet married my dad, a Japanese American man. To my knowledge, I am considered a full blooded Japanese American woman.
Growing up, I didn’t have too many Japanese American friends. I was pretty much the token Asian at the school I had gone to. However, back then, I believed that I would end up marrying a Japanese man one day. I think it was mostly out of obligation to continue on with a purely Japanese lineage, but as I got older, I realized that I wouldn’t be happy marrying a man who resembled my dad.
I’ve tried dating Asian men. I have seriously tried. For a while, my dating profiles were set to only match me with Asian men. I’ve gone out with several Asian men and have always been a bit disappointed by them. In each scenario, they pretty much deceived me. In a way, I think my dad did something similar to my mom. Deceived her into believing that he would provide, yet he has not done so since I was young. He is rather lazy and doesn’t manage finances well.
I also grew up around a dad who would at times make my mom cry. He thinks he’s funny, but sometimes he’s a bit of an asshole. At times I resented him for things he said to me. It wasn’t the same as my Dom degrading or humiliating me. My dad would simply attack my character or my intellect. I was never good enough for him. He’s a typical Asian dad who always wanted more. To this day, no matter what I do, it’s not enough to satisfy him. I’m more educated than he is and make more money than he does, yet in his eyes I can still do better.
While the deception was a bit different in my case, I still see how growing up with around my father damaged my view of Asian men. With the Asian men I dated, it may have been even worse. They deceived me about their intentions and for the most part made me felt worthless. I remember the first time a guy showed interest in me…he was half Asian. He told me he wanted me then went out with another girl. Way to make a girl feel wanted. I felt discarded. Then there’s the guy I lost my virginity to. He was Asian as well. I distinctly remember him saying, “You’re hot enough to fuck, but not hot enough to date.” This was after he took my virginity…he later discarded me. Then there’s the notorious fuck up of a man. He somehow always wants me and lies saying he’s single again…I let him hurt me over and over again. I put an end to that.
I think deep down inside, I’ve always desired a sense of belonging. I’m too Asian to be American, but I’m too American to be Asian. I never felt that I quite fit in living in America and I surely feel like an outsider in Asia. That coupled with the feelings of being discarded by Asian men grew a distaste for them. While I’ll happily be friends with one of them, I don’t think I could date another Asian man again.
I don’t exclusively date or sleep with white men. I’ve been with Hispanic and black guys as well. I’m just more attracted to white men. And in all honesty, I’ve received more Asian fetish comments from non-white men than I have from actual white men. That’s not to say that I’m attracted to all white men. I’m way more particular than that.
My Dom says that I am selectively submissive and will not submit unless I deem the man as worthy of it. I really don’t understand how some women could trust just anyone with their submission. My Dom happens to be gaijin, but that’s not why I’m submissive to him. I have a need to feel desired, wanted, and as if I belong. If I don’t feel desired simply for being me with all my quirks and emotional scars, then I will never feel comfortable enough to let my guard down. Thus far in life, I’ve noticed that more white men seem to show that they desire me.
The Sassy Sub Daily