Being sexually submissive is not like a new style. I find that’s not something that I can just decide to change about myself. It’s a part of who I am. It’s not really a preference. It’s not like saying I prefer gaijin men. It’s simply me being me.
I have a great Dom, but I’m also dating a vanilla. Someone had suggested that since the guy I’m dating cannot dominate me, then I must dominate him. It’s not that simple. I’m not sexually dominant. I never have been. I’ve tried to Domme for someone, but it just wasn’t me. It was forced and I didn’t enjoy it. It was awkward and I felt like it was a bit suffocating. I don’t get off on power. I don’t get off on having sexual control.
There’s also the fact that D/s relationships also require some consent. I can’t just start trying to dominate someone who isn’t even into that lifestyle. I really wouldn’t feel comfortable even trying to do so. It’s not me and it’s not him so why even force that on someone. There would be two people left unsatisfied. At least with vanilla sex, I can get some satisfaction out of it. Submissive men is something that is not sexually arousing for me. There’s nothing wrong if you are a submissive male. I’m just attracted to dominant men. So why would I want to dominate a man? I wouldn’t.
I believe that I am innately more submissive. I had a conversation with my Dom about this. The question that bugged me was whether or not sexual dominance and submission was learned or if it was something that one was genetically predisposed to. His take was that the behavioral trait was genetic and the way it was expressed or suppressed was learned.
Maybe it’s partially due to culture. As much as I can deny the practice of Confuscianism, it is embedded into East Asian culture. Yang is firmness and yin is yielding. This translates to the differences in male and female. A male is expected to be strong, while a female is expected to carry herself with gentleness.
As Americanized as I am, I think that there are still subtleties from Asian culture that remain ingrained into me. Submissiveness as an Asian female is one of those things. Further, even Asian males are on the submissive side. Jennifer Suzuki wrote in article on InferiorAsian.com in which she stated, “East Asiatic race has less sexual dimorphism. That means Asian men and women are less biologically distinct as compared to men and women of another race. This is very important because it seems to me that western men tend to focus on East Asian women only and they observe that while we are indeed submissive, they utterly fail to observe the same behavior in East Asian men.”
I don’t quite agree with everything she writes on her blog as some things seem to support White Nationalism and we do not need a repeat of the Holocaust. However, I did agree with points in the aforementioned article. If I were to compare Asian men to men of other races, I notice that they are more passive. Similarly, Asian women seem to be more submissive than women of other races. It’s not to say that there are no outliers, but it’s the general conception.
Back to my Dom’s take on sexual dominance and submission…maybe I am genetically predisposed to be submissive. If we look at my own family, none of the women handle the finances. The men make pretty much all the decisions. I guess it shows that the women in my family are submissive in some aspects. While I do have some female relatives who make military men seem like wimps, they do have a more submissive side that they don’t let outsiders see.
In the workplace, I am more dominant. I also feel that out in the “world”, I can’t quite fully be myself. I have to protect who I am because I’d rather not get trampled on, but in the bedroom, especially if I trust the guy, I can feel more secure in my submissive nature. The bedroom is more private and it’s free from the pressure to be a certain way that my family and some friends can place on me.
When I talk to my Dom, I am more myself than I am when I talk to anyone else. My deepest and darkest desires are uninhibited. I’m more comfortable with him. I feel safer and know that I can trust him. I don’t have to hide my submissive nature with him. I start my day by telling him good morning…I’m sure to address him as Sir as it affirms that I belong to him. That part was learned through routine, but in general submitting to him feels natural to me.
I knew I was sexually submissive long before I even lost my virginity. I think it’s what drove my interest in BDSM long before the 50 Shades of Shit came to be. This is most likely the reasoning behind why submitting to my Dom is something that happens naturally. My submission to him isn’t forced. He is indeed intellectually superior to me.
I really wouldn’t know where to begin if I had to change this part of me. I don’t really see a reason to change. I’m a submissive and if you don’t like that, then you don’t have to talk to me…in fact, it would be better to not even acknowledge me than to suggest that I’m not allowed to be me.
I have no desire to be sexually dominant. It’s to be vanilla than it is to take a submissive person and make them dominant. Yes, some people enjoy both, but they don’t quite discover that until later. However, for me, I’ve tried to be sexually dominant and it’s not me.
I can sit here and continue to express my distaste for one trying to force me to dominate another, but I think you get the point. I’m sexually submissive through and through. Culture, genetics, even religion, and past experiences have ingrained the submissive nature well into me.
The Sassy Sub Daily