I have insecurities about my body. It’s something that became known to my Dom toward the very beginning of our relationship. It’s not so much guys that make comments about my body, but other girls. From the time I was a kid, it was other girls that bullied me. I was a normal kid, but I guess some girls are just wired to be mean.
I remember that my best in first grade was a boy. The other girls were not very nice to me. By the end of the year, he didn’t want to be friends with me. I guess the other kids told him a boy and girl should not be friends because of cooties or something.
Bullying from other girls didn’t stop then. It got worse as I got a bit older. In 4th grade, I was still pretty flat chested. Some girls were not so they made fun of me for that. Told me girls my age should be wearing bras. Why wear a bra as a 9 year old when you clearly have no boobs? In junior high school, the bullying got worse. It turned into physical bullying where I’d get pushed and shoved to the ground by other girls because I wasn’t athletic and because they saw me as an “Asian fat ass.”
While there have been some instances where guys have made crude comments about my body, it has never been to the extent as what other girls say. One of the reasons I choose not to workout with girls is because of the comments they make about my body. Female trainers often look at me and think that I can’t do anything. Male trainers typically don’t treat in the same way. I make friends at the gym, but the only ones who want to talk to me are men. I get these disgusted looks from other women.
At the moment, I only have male doctors because in my experience female doctors have terrible bedside manners. They treat you like an object if you don’t fit their perfect BMI. BMI is a load of crap…FYI (it doesn’t differentiate between muscle mass and body fat, just your overall weight). You go into the doctor’s office with an injury and the answer from a female doctor is to lose some weight.
All of these things had led me to having insecurities about my body. Insecurities while it’s clothed and even more insecurities while it’s naked. I don’t look like a Victoria’s Secret Model. For a while, the society’s views on beauty made me think I was not adequate. I’d hear the phrase, “Don’t you want to look good for…” Why should my appearance be about impressing anyone else? Shouldn’t it be about my health and out of self-love for myself? Why would you want to ingrain into girls’ heads that they need to wear a certain size to impress men? Beauty is subjective.
I remember toward the very beginning, my Dom told me that he was Sapiosexual so he was attracted to my intelligence. When it came to showing him my body, I was nervous. The things that went through my head were, “What if he no longer wants me? What do I do then?” He quickly put those doubts and fears to bed.
I normally don’t like my worth to be based on my looks, but I’m filled with joy when he compliments my body. When he tells me, “Nice body,” or, “You look very sexy,” he shuts up my insecurities. I show him my body everyday. I long for him to touch me, to use me, to fuck me. I long for the day, when I can see his eyes filled with desire as he’s staring at my naked body.
The Sassy Sub Daily