When I was a virgin, it was hard for me to even imagine having sex with anyone. It was hard for me to imagine someone else seeing my naked body. Being someone’s submissive wasn’t even a thought that crossed my mind.
Back then, sending a seductive photo of my legs was the closest I got to sending nudes. Even after losing my virginity, I had issues with showing off my body. It was the third guy that I had sex with who demanded nudes. I sent him side angles while I was still wearing lingerie, but that wasn’t enough for him. He wanted to see my breasts and my cunt without any material covering them. I reluctantly did so, but I only sent close ups so he could never see the other parts of my body.
That’s how I was with every guy I slept with and who demanded nudes. I never wanted to show them everything.
After my ex, I was more self conscious about my body. I wasn’t even really thinking about dating or even sex. I didn’t even masturbate for a while. I had been so damaged from the abuse that the only time I allowed myself to be naked was in the shower.
In my family, sex is also very taboo. It’s why I didn’t lose my virginity until well after college. To engage in sexual activity outside of marriage is a sin. That had been ingrained into my head from a young age. The first time I fooled around with a guy (we did not have sex), I ended up crying the next day because I thought I was dirty. Sex is for the purpose of procreation…yes, that is what I had been taught my whole life. In my family, marriages become more of a companionship after having children. They don’t really kiss much; they definitely don’t have sexy anymore; there is no affection at all. In Asian culture, the lack of affection is pretty normal.
That’s what was modeled for me my whole life. It’s no wonder I didn’t have my first kiss until my mid twenties.
Things have changed drastically since then. I was always a bit curious about the freakier side of things, but it was something that scared me as I thought it would make me a bad person. I would feel guilty each time I had sex so getting into BDSM would surely amplify the guilt.
Even with my Dom, I was a bit hesitant at first. He was patient with me and slowly, I began to let go more and more with him. Then I became fully submissive to him.
I am his slut. His toy. His submissive. I show him every inch of my naked body and am aroused by it.
If you’ve read any of the Fantasy Friday posts, it should be pretty clear just how dirty my mind is. How strong the desire to be used by him is. The primal and rough fucking fantasized about so often. You’d see how much I long to be degraded and humiliated by him.
Even with all of that, I still trust him completely. I’m simply his submissive.
The Sassy Sub Daily