BDSM, Life

I Need You

“A sub needs to feel wanted. A Dom wants to feel needed.” This has been something on my mind this week.

I’ve never been one to enjoy the spotlight, but lately I’ve realized how much I crave my Dom’s attention. It makes me feel wanted.

In the past, I wasn’t one for clinginess or neediness. I think after my ex, it became that way. My ex wanted to use me (meaning he wanted to be a lazy ass gold digger), but he never really wanted me. He didn’t care about me; he only cared about himself and how he could benefit from me. He made me feel like shit all the time. I was always worried he would cheat on me (I shouldn’t have had to worry about that though because he had ED and couldn’t get it up). I needed him to man up and care for me, but he was the never the man I needed.

I became very independent after that. I didn’t need anyone, especially a man. I had sworn myself off from dating. After what the shit head put me through, do you blame me for doing so? A year later, I had gone on a date, but he left me with a queasy feeling that something was off. I was right for not needing him. I found out shortly after that he was trying to lure me in with the intentions of hooking up then leaving me high and dry. I didn’t go on another date for over two years.

I think in order to me feel needy, I need to feel wanted. I didn’t get that vibe from either guy last year.

As a sub, you feel wanted when you find the right Dom. My first Dom went MIA. How do you feel wanted when your Dom is not present? You don’t. You feel ignored.

With my Delicious Dom, it’s a different feeling. I don’t feel ignored even when he’s busy. Yes, being far away means that I can’t feel it in terms of being fucked primally. However, he does pay attention to me. Even with things that I forget or may not realize myself, he notices. When we play or even when we just talk, I feel wanted. He’ll compliment my writing and it makes me feel special. He reads what I post and that shows the amount he pays attention to me. I may not crave everyone’s attention, but I certainly long for his. I long for his approval.

The other day, I told my Dom that I felt needy with him. Rather than be annoyed with my neediness, he said it was okay and that it wasn’t a bad thing. So while I know that the need to feel wanted is a real thing for a sub, do Doms have the want to feel needed?

My Dom once told me, “A real Dom helps you build up your self confidence, helps you be who you need to be…” I guess in a way, it shows the want to be needed.

He’s that safe place. When I’m scared of something, he reassures me. When I’m excited about something, he supports me. I’m constantly learning new things from him. Even with the little mishap with my car this morning, he’s the only one who knows and offered me advice on how to fix the situation. I can see the way in which he is a bit protective at times especially when it comes to my identity. I think it’s rather obvious that I NEED HIM!

Yours Truly,

The Sassy Sub Daily

sass c.

i'm just your average girl with a dirty mind. young, asian and submissive...does that pique your interest? constantly in a battle with myself whether to stay confined by my cultural values or to break free like the freak i am.

Instagram: @thesassysubdaily
Twitter: @sassysubdaily

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  1. Your are correct about wanting his sub. If it is not there you shouldn’t be doing it for that wannabe DOM.

    1. Is the statement that Doms want feel needed true? While a Dom wants his sub, how important is it for him to feel needed by his sub?

      1. It is very important. That is like his life force almost. To be needed is like air for your body you need it to breathe and that is what a Dom needs as well.

        1. I see. Then my Dom must be feeling very much so alive because I need him. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

          1. You would live and find someone else. But not like him no one can replace no one. But enjoy what you have now.

            1. I’ve had other Dominants before, but it felt as if submission was forced. I didn’t really desire it. But with my current Dom, it’s natural. He appealed to every inch of my being and I’ve never desired anything more than to be under his control.

            2. That is a great feeling to have and I wish y’all the best because that doesn’t happen to often. I know I felt like I had to force my own agenda then realizing just cut my losses and keep searching and practicing when I can.

            3. Thanks. Hopefully, you find that “perfect” sub one day.

            4. I feel like that is a tall order and i would have to build a sub up to the things I completely need plus I don’t have the right space right now. I need a space for a hanging art piece.

            5. Ah I see. In the meantime, I’ve seen many who are desperate to be played with on the whisper app. I’ve also seen a lot of fake “Doms” on there. You can always find someone to be your guinea pig on there.

            6. I might have to do that. But right now I am taking classes and looking for an amazing job as well… life I wish I could have it all but it takes time that takes more time.

            7. BTW…that was to mean that you find a guinea pig so you can continue practicing. The girls want play partners. Not sure why they’re searching on the whisper app, but anyway many of the supposed Doms on there are laughable. It could be an open market for someone more qualified to Dom.

            8. Could be but they are so use to fake they think it is real. A real Dom comes along they might think I am fake. It is double edged sword.

            9. Ah yes. The lowly multitude of the bunch ruin it for others.

            10. That is the truth.

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