Vulnerability. It’s never been something that I excel at. Even before the rape and abuse, I was rather closed off. I’d only let a few people in and even then some of those people proved to hurt me over and over again. Some of them backstabbed me and I cut them from my life completely. I’m normally the kind of person who gives multiple chances despite what everyone else tells me to do. I forgive and forgive until I break and can’t take it anymore. Then you become a ghost who once haunted my past, but can no longer take from me.
When it comes to this life in particular (meaning my sex life and my D/s relationship), it is a secret. This is why my name and identity are not tied to this blog or the place in which I met my Delicious Dom. I’m rather afraid of people finding out who I am. It could destroy my career, my social life, my family life, my everything. There is a lot at stake.
I absolutely trust my Dom and know that he will not out me or put me in harms way. The same goes for him; I would never out him.
When a sub trusts her Dom that much, limits are pretty much out the window. I’d do just about anything my Dom asked me to do. I trust that he won’t have me do something that will land me in jail because at the end of the day he takes care of me.
My Dom has seen me naked numerous times. Yesterday, I sent him a picture of me wearing a dress. He thought I was going out because he’s used to seeing me naked haha. That’s generally how I am with him. He gets the more raw version of me. The mess that I am even when I try to come off put together. The half asleep bed head version of me. I’m more real in that moment. I’m not dressed up; my hair isn’t done; I’m not wearing makeup. I’m simply me.
I think, in a way, being owned allows me to be more free and feel more secure. Knowing that I belong to someone gives me comfort because even though he’s far away, I have him to confide in. With my fears, my lustful desires, I’m free to be myself with him. He’s the only one who knows my identity and many of my dark secrets. My best friends don’t even know some of the things that my Dom knows.
The first night I showed him myself physically was the night I also became emotionally vulnerable with him. I’m not the kind of girl who posts nudes all over Instagram for the world to see. I’m more reserved and keep things to myself. I’m also not the kind of girl who submits easily. A few guys used to tell me that men would not like me because I have a dominant personality and it’d take a hell of a guy to get me to submit.
I think trust was the biggest thing all along. I would think that it’s pretty obvious that I don’t trust idiots. Why would I submit to an idiot? Looking back on guys in my life, most of them were complete idiots. It’s no wonder I could not submit to them. They also had rather passive personalities. My Dom is a lot smarter than me and has a more dominant personality than I do. He’s honest and trustworthy and I think that’s why it was so easy to completely submit to him.
He undressed me with his mind though he’s miles away. He undressed me physically. He undressed me emotionally. Now, my body, mind and soul are his to control.
The Sassy Sub Daily