I may be young, but I’ve been through my share of battles. From abuse, to loss, to many health scares…life hasn’t dealt me such an easy hand.
For a while, I felt like I was stuck. It was always another day with the same old shit. I was a bit broken. I tried to fix myself with masking tape, but it was always a temporary fix. I was barely living. It was as if I was set on repeat. Suffocating in the toxicity of my own mind as I never learned to cope with things. Instead, I’d run from them and pretend that I never felt pain.
But when past traumas bleed into your present, they simply cannot be ignored. To heal, but not harden is not always an easy task. I go from one extreme to another…from bleeding to keloids (I actually do have a few keloids haha).
When I met my Dom, I was more closed off. I had let my heart harden toward those around me. What is life without some vulnerability? Like having too much scarring on the heart, it made it difficult to function properly. Not only was I blocking out the bad, but I was also blocking out the good.
He had this affability about him that made it easier for me to open up. My Dom is the only one who knows my name, my face, and the details about me being abused, raped, and the health scares both past and present.
The thing about most people is that they look at you differently when they hear even just snippets of a hard life. They pity you and may even see you as something less. I hate that sort of reaction because I am still me. This was not the case with my Dom. He’s been honest and has not pitied me.
Sometimes wounds heal on their own, but sometimes we need a bit of help. Sometimes, the burden is far too much to carry alone.
I was a dead man walking (or should I say dead woman walking) until that day you helped me see the deep contusions that were impacting me. With your care, you breathe life into me.
The Sassy Sub Daily