When It Hurts

I’ve always found sex to be a bit painful. When I masturbate, it doesn’t hurt. But no matter how many times or how frequently I have sex, it feels as if I’m losing my virginity over and over again.

I’ll always take it like a champ and deal with the discomfort. I was never one to put up a fuss and I never wanted to ruin the moment for the man I was in bed with. My shrieks and screams probably just excite them even more because they tend to go faster and harder as the shrills that escape my mouth get higher and higher.

I have a rather high pain tolerance, but when there’s no reward, I sometimes wonder if it’s worth it. If I never orgasm, where is my reward?

I’ve never had any feelings toward any man that I’ve slept with. Even with my ex, I didn’t feel much for him. I didn’t really cry when that relationship ended. I more so cried over the feeling of shame from all of the abuse. Every time I’ve had sex, there’s been no emotional connection with the guy.

I’ve more recently discovered that I’m demisexual. I’m not aroused per say just by looking at someone attractive. I don’t get off on porn. I’m more aroused by erotic stories as I can imagine myself as the character itself. I require more emotion to be aroused. Hence why, I’ve only cum for my Dom. There’s a vulnerability that I’ve only been able to show him. I’ve not only shown him my naked body (I do this just about everyday), but it’s as if I’ve bared my soul to him.

Yesterday, I had sex for the first time since becoming a sub to my Dom. This was the tenth guy I’ve slept with in the span of five years. We spent eight hours together and of those eight hours, six of them were spent kissing, cuddling, or having raw sex. It was no different than before; it was still painful. I screamed, I shrieked, and at one point had tears in my eyes and was biting the pillow.

I ended up bleeding on his bed. I always bleed when I have sex. Guys think that I’m on my period, but it’s never the case. I’m just really really tight.

I’ll mostly pretend that there is no pain because I like being able to please my partner. My tight pussy is normally a bragging point even though it may not always be enjoyable for me. I think this further drives the point that I’m sexually submissive. I’ll deal with the discomfort and pretty much become a set of holes to fuck if it means pleasing the man I’m in bed with.

Part of why I tolerate vaginal pain during sex is because I think this is where my value lies: in my smallness, in my submission, and in my ability to provide pleasure.

“I Was Taught to Be Proud of My Tight Asian P*ssy – Here’s Why I Wish I Hadn’t Been.” Everyday Feminism, 20 July 2016, https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/07/be-proud-tight-asian-pssy/.

An article on Healthline came out a couple of years ago, talking about the mythical tight Asian pussy. One of the women who had been interviewed stated something that I didn’t wholeheartedly agree with. She probably isn’t a submissive. She stated:

“No woman wants to be too tight,” Eigenheer says. “It’s painful! The whole novelty of the ‘tight vagina’ is in a woman’s pain — a man’s pleasure at the expense of a woman’s discomfort.”

Hu, Nian. “Dispelling the Myth that Asian Vaginas are Tighter.” Healthline, 27 August 2018, https://www.healthline.com/health/womens-health/tight-vagina-asian-stereotype#1.

Being in pain when I finally got home last night, I went straight to my room and curled up in the fetal position. I fell asleep rather early but tossed and turned trying find comfort, then woke up later to talk to my Dom. I finally realized the reward I was looking for. Dealing with the pain is a small price for the reward of receiving my Dom’s approval and compliments.

I think this is what sets apart a submissive from just any ordinary girl. We’ll do things that most aren’t willing to do in order to please. We crave and long for our Dominants to be pleased. It’s not just a want, it becomes a pure need.

Even though my Dom and I are a million miles apart, he was still the only one I wanted to talk to last night. It was only his care that I needed to get a more peaceful sleep.

When it hurts, I’ll take one for the team. When it hurts, I’ll continue to surrender. The pleasure itself is from the surrender knowing that you are satisfied with me.

Yours Truly,

The Sassy Sub Daily

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