I’ve never been the kind of girl who had multiple sex partners at one time. Have I talked to multiple guys at the same time? Well, duh. At first, even that was a stretch for me. It’s less messy when you’re only sleeping with or dating one person at a time. You don’t have to remember multiple names. You don’t have to try to figure out who to schedule on what night. And if you accidentally wind up pregnant, you avoid the confusion over who the baby daddy is.
The last time I had sex was over a month ago. It was a couple days before I had started subbing for my Dom. It wasn’t that great as it was in the backseat of a small car. At first, I liked the guy, but then I started to get annoyed with him. The conversation just didn’t flow well and I found myself bored as he did not stimulate my mind. I began to compare him with my Dom and they’re just in two completely different leagues. I knew it wouldn’t work out.
I’ve tried to talk to other guys since then, but nothing ever really worked out. I couldn’t form that connection with them to even meet them. The one guy I had been willing to have sex with pretty much ghosted me though we were friends for a few years. I thought I was forming a connection with two others, but I guess they chickened out and bailed. I’ve ghosted several guys because they scared me. I didn’t trust them. They had said that they wanted to try to dominate me and use me as their plaything, but the only man that I trust to use me like that is my Dom. I’m not a guinea pig. I’d rather guys not “try” and experiment on me.
I finally found a guy who managed to hold my interest for about two weeks so far. I’ll be having sex with him in less than twelve hours from now. It won’t become anything more than casual sex. I’m a bit nervous and I also feel a bit guilty. My Dom knows about him, but I guess I’d rather not sleep with random guys. I don’t fantasize about other men anymore; I only seem to fantasize about the ways in which my Dom will use and exploit me.
I’m not too certain how I’ll react when I have sex with this guy. Will I be imagining that it’s my Dom instead? Will I even enjoy it? Will I be able to perform for someone else? I’m trying to convince myself that it will be amazing, but so far I haven’t had any partners that wowed me in bed. Some were better than others, but none have been orgasmic.
I’ve never had an orgasm during sex. The first time I came since the night I broke two vibrators was after Christmas. It had been over four and a half years, but my Dom helped me get past some of the barriers keeping me from having an orgasm. My fingers and his words alone took me to a place of bliss. He’s the first and only man I’ve cum for so far. I’ve faked it during sexting and phone sex with other guys. They’re pretty gullible and I can make my fake sex sounds pretty believable. The only one I can’t pretend for is my Dom. I always want to be honest with him even if it means losing out on an SHS point.
So I’ll go and have sex with this other man because he’s here and my Dom is far away. But the only man I crave is my Dom. I’ve had so many insecurities about my body, but I love showing my Dom my body and he’s the only one I’m comfortable being completely naked for.
I’ll have sex with this other man, but I wish it was you. I wish it was you ripping off my clothes and pinning me down. I wish it was you dominating me. I wish it was you.
The Sassy Sub Daily