I know that many in the psychiatric community would argue that sadomasochism is a lot like drug abuse. They’d compare the addiction to Dom/sub relationships to a drug addiction. People from the outside will most likely see these desires as a result of an abusive or traumatic past. However, that’s not always the case.
Yes, while I may be addicted to my Dom’s control, it doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. As a sub, that feeling of surrender is exhilarating. To know that you are not in control of your own pleasure is rather enthralling. And I tend to experience much pleasure from sexual humiliation…this is not too far off base with my personality. I tend to slip, trip, or do something embarrassing and rather than run and hide, I’m most likely the first to laugh at myself and invite others to laugh with me.
I do get a lot of pleasure from the different scenarios that my Dom lays out during our playtime. Most involve me being humiliated and degraded in some way. Someone recently called me a “glutton for punishment” and it’s true. There is something rather thrilling about my Dom tormenting me. Maybe it’s the fact that I know he’s amused and pleased by torturing me.
I consistently find myself wanting to please my Dom. In fact, it’s not just a want, it’s pure need.
I find in a Dom/sub relationship, there is almost more trust to be established than in a traditional relationship. As a sub, you have to trust your Dom completely. You psychologically give up control and you have to trust that they’re not some deranged psychopath that’s going to cause you permanent harm. I feel as though Doms crave that kind of trust. However, I don’t think all Dom/sub relationships are created equally and there are various levels of trust depending on who your play partner is. Fortunately, there is a very high level of trust in my Dom and it’s really a key thing because I’d pretty much do anything he asked of me if it meant that I’d be pleasing him.
In a way, I think that both Dom and sub are addicts. However, in a “healthy” Dom/sub relationship, it can be a positive thing. I know I’m taking it out of context, but you can draw from Dr. William Glasser’s research on positive addiction. He believed that positive addiction helped people grow stronger. While you’d still feel withdrawals from being without, it impacts you positively unlike a drug addiction. I know that there have been many positive outcomes from my relationship with my Dom…at least on my end that is. I’m an addict and I’ll keep coming back for more.
The Sassy Sub Daily